tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post7896203018268124966..comments2023-11-02T08:41:44.231-07:00Comments on The Sanctuary: What's in a name?Spacetravellerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-1348849196493149162012-05-29T10:26:23.354-07:002012-05-29T10:26:23.354-07:00Lost,
Blame the parents...they couldn't decid...Lost,<br /><br />Blame the parents...they couldn't decide on one or two names, so I had to get them all... <br />:-)Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-19144019427963925952012-05-29T07:10:44.192-07:002012-05-29T07:10:44.192-07:00What are you a spy? 5 first names?
Hello Ms Bourne...What are you a spy? 5 first names?<br />Hello Ms Bourne.... sheeshLosthttp://datingonthemove.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-41338665378890160022012-05-18T10:08:01.224-07:002012-05-18T10:08:01.224-07:00@ Caelaeno,
Well, the family dog certainly though...@ Caelaeno,<br /><br />Well, the family dog certainly thought so.<br />Whilst my brother and his friends were trying at every opportunity to torture or kill him I was giving him my thumb to suck.<br />So I guess he preferred me to them :-)Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-88830698620697326792012-05-18T09:30:24.687-07:002012-05-18T09:30:24.687-07:00Oh my, you must have been such an adorable child. ...Oh my, you must have been such an adorable child. Love it.Caelaenohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12374649357111682305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-29559231659313964782012-05-17T00:31:32.739-07:002012-05-17T00:31:32.739-07:00@ Caelaeno,
You can have one of my first names!
...@ Caelaeno,<br /><br />You can have one of my first names!<br /><i> Avec plaisir :-) </i> <br /><br />Funnily enough, I once actually made this offer as a 5 year old. My best friend at the time (who only had <i> 3 </i> first names) wanted one of mine to even things up...would it surprise you to know it was a <i> boy? </i> <br />To him, I guess, it was a competition, who had the most names :-)<br />I remember feeling so bad that he had 2 fewer names than me that I went home crying to my parents to ask if I could give him one of my names (nevermind that he was being a bit of a bully and my name would have been inappropriate for him anyways!!!)<br />I was very 'sharing' as a child. The selfishness came later as I grew up LOL.<br /><br />The following anecdote might disgust you a bit. As it does my adult self. But clearly not my childhood self.<br />I used to suck my thumb until I was about 6. Each time the family dog would give me his 'sorrowful' look I would offer him my thumb to suck for a while and then straight back into my own mouth! That was my way of 'sharing and caring' for someone I cared about.<br />Ew!<br />Oh the logic of the 5 year old :-)<br /><br /><br /><i> "I think that I will take his last name legally and in my private life, but continue to use my maiden name professionally. It just makes more sense in my line of work." </i> <br /><br />Well I think <i> this </i> is perfectly reasonable and in fact is a nice compromise as PVW also advocates.<br /><br />It wouldn't work for <i> me </i> though...My unreasonable self wouldn't want multiple surnames for different occasions :-)<br />I already have this problem as it is with my first names!!Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-83669124805632339992012-05-16T22:10:14.181-07:002012-05-16T22:10:14.181-07:00Oh, my inner five-year-old is SO jealous right now...Oh, my inner five-year-old is SO jealous right now, ST! I once desperately wanted five or six middle names...at this point, I'm content with my name as is, but I'm not above tacking on a couple extra middle names when I have children. =)<br /><br />I think that I will take his last name legally and in my private life, but continue to use my maiden name professionally. It just makes more sense in my line of work.Caelaenohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12374649357111682305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-30290884835837911462012-05-16T15:03:48.797-07:002012-05-16T15:03:48.797-07:00@ PVW,
Yes, a blog is akin to 'thinking aloud...@ PVW,<br /><br />Yes, a blog is akin to 'thinking aloud', yes, and as such there is always the risk of revealing too much of one's thoughts. Must be guarded against!<br />(Thanks for that timely reminder).<br /><br />The 'preventing' thing IS unusual, I agree.<br />But it is effectively what happens if a man takes on his wife's surname, rather than 'double-barrelling' as you do on Xmas cards.<br /><br />One of the men who did this is someone I see often as we sometimes work together.<br />He gives me hives.<br />And I KNOW it is for this reason.<br />I react rather badly to things or people that give me hives LOL.<br />I feel the need to flee...<br /><br />@ NC,<br /><br /><i> "On the other hand, if your name is P.F. Worthless, everything else looks good..." </i> <br /><br />This made me laugh so hard if I have ruptured something I am sending you the bill :-)<br /><br />Oh how I love masculine humour!<br />After so many long comments, a one-liner that absolutely floors me.<br /><br />See? That's why we can't live without you lovable rogues :-)Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-36212684411442381862012-05-16T12:16:55.556-07:002012-05-16T12:16:55.556-07:00On the other hand, if your name is P.F. Worthless,...On the other hand, if your name is P.F. Worthless, everything else looks good...<br /><br /><br />The Navy CorpsmanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-6927735102762513392012-05-16T12:13:11.687-07:002012-05-16T12:13:11.687-07:00PVW here:
I must say though, that my "wow&...PVW here: <br /><br />I must say though, that my "wow" had to do not only with your willingness to leave a good man for that reason, but that you imagined he might "prevent" you from taking his name. <br /><br />"Prevent" seems like such a strong word and not typical of how these issues might be negotiated. As I said, I have heard of men insisting on a woman taking his name or being neutral to the women's preferences--she can do what she wants. <br /><br />I can't imagine any man trying to "prevent" his fiancee from taking his name...It is not a situation I have heard of.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-33143059976089926052012-05-16T12:00:44.330-07:002012-05-16T12:00:44.330-07:00Spacetraveler:
But even more important for me spe...Spacetraveler:<br /><br />But even more important for me specifically is the underlying fear that if a man is 'soft' on the name thing, he may be 'soft' on other issues. So the name thing might (for me at least) be a proxy for something deeper.<br />That something deeper may be an unresolved fear. <br />And maybe that's why I am so militant and unreasonable about this.<br />Maybe I am not coming from a healthy place on this issue.<br /><br />PVW replies:<br /><br />No confessor at all, I'm glad, though, to be the one to ask some questions that get you thinking. You alone know what your issues and fears are; you alone know what needs to be worked on. That is a private matter for you alone; your public blog doesn't need to be privy to it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-86472620722186443872012-05-16T11:53:44.504-07:002012-05-16T11:53:44.504-07:00@ PVW,
"I don't take your view as criti...@ PVW,<br /><br /><i> "I don't take your view as criticism at all, and I appreciate your admiration; neither do I criticize your view." </i> <br /><br />Good, I am glad we are still cool.<br />I was beginning to fear that we were trading blows a bit. I don't want that - not with you at least :-)<br /><br /><i> "Wow!!!" </i> <br /><br />Reading this as part of your comment, it suddenly occurred to me that I haven't explained myself well.<br /><br />Yes I have a specific issue with the name thing.<br /><br />But even more important for me specifically is the underlying fear that if a man is 'soft' on the name thing, he may be 'soft' on other issues. So the name thing might (for me at least) be a proxy for something deeper.<br />That something deeper may be an unresolved <i> fear. </i> <br />And maybe that's why I am so militant and unreasonable about this.<br />Maybe I am not coming from a healthy place on this issue.<br /><br />*sigh*<br /><br />Why do I feel suddenly like I am in a confessional box, LOL...and that you are the priest on the other side...<br /><br />Maybe this is something I need to work on...<br />Time will tell if I can face my demons on this issue and its underlying symbolism.<br /><br />Maybe I am not quite as mature as I think I am...yet.Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-37533645613878235812012-05-16T11:14:37.392-07:002012-05-16T11:14:37.392-07:00Sanctuary space traveler:
But I can't imagine...Sanctuary space traveler:<br /><br />But I can't imagine that many women would dig their heels in on this!<br />Even the most ardent feminists would think twice about dropping a perfectly good man for the sake of keeing their maiden name, surely?<br /><br />PVW replies:<br /><br />I agree; it just didn't matter to the women and the men insisted it mattered to them. The women went along for that reason, as I recall.<br /><br />Sanctuary Space Traveler: (Unlike me who would be totally unreasonable and WILL walk away from a perfectly good man if he prevents me from taking his name. Hahaha!!)<br /><br />:-)<br /><br />PVW: Wow!!! <br /><br />Sanctuary Space Traveler:<br /><br />Please don't feel I am being critical of your situation. I am not!<br />I am all for happy marriages, marriages that work, and you clearly have one.<br /><br />Remember I once said that you are the perfect role model/mentor for unmarried women like me?<br />I still feel the same way of course.<br /><br />What is becoming clearer and clearer to me though is that things you might have been at liberty to take decisions on (such as keeping your maiden name) may not be something I or another single woman can have a choice on these days as men take a harder and harder line on issues that they feel their fathers were 'slack' on.<br /><br />In general, as you know, it is much harder to 'cop a ring' as Danny puts it on his blog, than yesteryear.<br /><br />So the issues a singe woman of today has to deal with is totally different from what you did. The name change thing is but only one of such issues.<br />So yes, it isn't your problem at all, I agree with you there.<br />And I say 'Thank heavens' on your behalf.<br /><br />PVW replies:<br /><br />I don't take your view as criticism at all, and I appreciate your admiration; neither do I criticize your view. You believe you (as well as) your generation is facing a whole set of unique challenges. It is up to each woman to deal with them as she sees fit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-85517127856798507742012-05-16T11:05:24.029-07:002012-05-16T11:05:24.029-07:00@ Danny,
"You mean you won't be taking ...@ Danny,<br /><br /><i> "You mean you won't be taking his name, or you will?" </i> <br /><br />I mean I will.<br />And what's more, for me it is such a sticking point that if I am not allowed to take his name, (in the rare case where a man doesn't want his wife to take his name - and I mentioned 2 men in the OP who preferred to take on the wife's surname as their own for various reasons), I may find it too much of a dealbreaker...<br />Perhaps this is extreme but it's a big deal for me - always have.<br /><br />Moreover, I thought this was <i> normal, </i> but I am beginning to see that it may not be quite so normal to be so militant about it LOL...<br /><br />I don't imagine I would ever need to be quite so militant about it though, simply because I am unlikely to even consider marrying a man who wouldn't want me to take his name on marriage though. So, phew, problem solved :-)<br /><br />@ PVW,<br /><br /><i> "As a matter of fact, I can think of a few women I know who married long after I did whose fiances made it a significant point, and so they changed it." </i> <br />Yes this is the point I also made earlier. I suspect this would be more of a trend in the future because more and more men will feel exactly like Danny feels: 'If she ain't taking my name, I ain't marrying her'.<br /><br />But I can't imagine that many women would dig their heels in on this!<br />Even the most ardent feminists would think twice about dropping a perfectly good man for the sake of keeing their maiden name, surely?<br />(Unlike me who would be totally unreasonable and WILL walk away from a perfectly good man if he prevents me from taking his name. Hahaha!!)<br /><br />:-)<br /><br />Please don't feel I am being critical of your situation. I am not!<br />I am all for happy marriages, marriages that work, and you clearly have one.<br /><br />Remember I once said that you are the perfect role model/mentor for unmarried women like me?<br />I still feel the same way of course.<br /><br />What is becoming clearer and clearer to me though is that things you might have been at liberty to take decisions on (such as keeping your maiden name) may not be something I or another single woman can have a choice on these days as men take a harder and harder line on issues that they feel their fathers were 'slack' on.<br /><br />In general, as you know, it is much harder to 'cop a ring' as Danny puts it on his blog, than yesteryear.<br /><br />So the issues a singe woman of today has to deal with is totally different from what you did. The name change thing is but only one of such issues.<br />So yes, it isn't your problem at all, I agree with you there.<br />And I say 'Thank heavens' on your behalf.<br /><br />And on this particular issue I say 'Thank heavens' on my own behalf too, because I happen to agree with the men on this.<br /><br />But I will of course struggle on issues where I have an opposing view.Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-74493886285429201612012-05-16T10:18:40.649-07:002012-05-16T10:18:40.649-07:00Hmmm, I needed to clarify a more conservative pers...Hmmm, I needed to clarify a more conservative perspective on feminism that doesn't reject it outright...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-79406654212362966712012-05-16T10:03:09.182-07:002012-05-16T10:03:09.182-07:00Spacetraveler:
I can tell you that there are some...Spacetraveler:<br /><br />I can tell you that there are some women who are intrinsically much more conservative/traditionally-minded than even thze men of The Manosphere would believe. Surprisingly so. I am not necessarily one of these women on ALL issues, but a significant number, yes.<br /><br />PVW's reply:<br /><br />It is funny, because I'm conservative and traditionalist minded in some ways too, and to that extent, I agree as well with the "Manosphere." <br /><br />But with respect to this one about changing names, I don't see what the big deal is--the husband didn't care; it was up to me and I made my choice. I can see though how for some men, it is a sticking point. As a matter of fact, I can think of a few women I know who married long after I did whose fiances made it a significant point, and so they changed it.<br /><br />Not my issue, not my problem, not my business!<br /><br />Space Traveler:<br /><br />But seriously, do not underestimate the psychological impact of feminism on women my age and younger.<br />In may ways, it wouldn't surprise me to find that many young women who have not been infected with the 'disease' of feminism actually harbour attitudes of fierce defiance against it. In such a manner as to make them 'go the other way' and become 'extremist' traditionalists.<br />It wouldn't surprise me because I have already seen some signs of it in small pockets.<br /><br />PVW's reply:<br /><br />Yes, I see it as well, which is why I mentioned my observations earlier. As for me, since I have a nuanced understanding of feminism (that women's history and feminist theory thing,) I can compare, critique and assess the theories and actually come up with a more conservative perspective on feminism.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-23633292574108247682012-05-16T06:48:36.036-07:002012-05-16T06:48:36.036-07:00ST-
You mean you won't be taking his name, or...ST- <br />You mean you won't be taking his name, or you will? <br /><br />I love the fact the women want to/get to be all cosmopolitan with bucking certain traditions of marriage, but men have to toe the tradiational line like a good little doggy. <br /><br />To me, this sets a precedence for the relationship. I ALWAYS have to make exceptions and compromise while she gets to write her own rules as she goes and see fit. <br /><br />Sorry, not I said Dan.dannyfrom504https://www.blogger.com/profile/15213546987325424741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-57426735249113896622012-05-16T06:11:53.752-07:002012-05-16T06:11:53.752-07:00Bell,
You make me laugh!
"But with a name ...Bell,<br /><br />You make me laugh!<br /><br /><i> "But with a name like Holly, do you really think . . . ?" </i> <br /><br />Priceless.<br /><br />Believe it or not, 'Holly' and 'Chloe' are relatively conservative names as far as our dear Harry is concerned.<br />I am more worried about him turning up at Buck Palace with a girl named 'Snooky' or 'Jwow' or some such.<br /><br />You can well imagine Prince Philip's raction, can't you?<br /><br />"......"<br /><br />(Thank you Dogsquat :-)<br /><br />By the way, I came across a tabloid from way back which had ear-marked a few girls of 'high birth' that they thought would end up being serious candidates for Prince <i> William's </i> wife. Holly Branson was one of them!<br /><br />I think that person whose idea re naming a child you mentioned is spot on...<br />How nice was it to hear Kate Middleton's names 'Catherine Elizabeth' at her wedding?<br />It would have deflated the occasion somewhat if her names had been Peaches Monsoon Chardonnay or some other equivalent.<br />Am I a name snob?<br />(Please don' answer - rhetorical question!)<br /><br />But failing 'royal-sounding' names, I must say that I am all for 'conventional' names just because...<br />Even though (and I shoot myself in the foot here!) I am not necessarily for <i> English</i>-sounding names even though I am British :-)<br /><br />I mentioned that my own first name sounds better in another language. I also mentioned to you before that I like the name 'Eva' and not its 'English' equivalent 'Eve'.<br />And there's also the boy-name I mentioned to you before which is far from English...<br /><br />You are right: 'Harry and Holly' sounds cool.<br />Even better, 'Harry and <i> Harriet'. </i> <br />:-)<br /><br />Gosh, <i> that's </i> another name you don't often hear these days...Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-70652352239741691552012-05-16T05:25:55.148-07:002012-05-16T05:25:55.148-07:00@ST
I wonder...does this make you want to change ...@ST <br /><i>I wonder...does this make you want to change the surname ASAP or does it make you want to keep it just for the comedy factor?</i> <br /><br />There's a bit more to the story . . . For the first twenty years of my life, people knew me by a nickname that didn't rhyme with my last name. I stopped using it when I left for college, and it was the college people who first pointed out to me that my first name and last name rhyme! It's not a big deal to me, though. <br /><br />A couple of weeks ago, I got into another thread about names. Someone said that when it is time for her to name her child she will ask herself, "If my child marries into royalty someday, will this be an appropriate name for a new prince/princess?" :D <br /><br />Yes, it's funny, but I think it's another example of how one's name might prove an obstacle in life and love! ;) In that thread, I shared the example of Richard Branson, whose daughter Holly is a friend of Prince Harry. The Branson interview I cited was several years old, but the story is still pertinent . . . He said in the interview that he liked to address his daughter as "Your Royal Highness" because he was certain she would marry Prince Harry someday! And my reaction was: "But with a name like <i>Holly</i>, do you really think . . . ?" <br /><br />Hahahaha! Outside royal circles, however, "Harry and Holly" sound like a very cute couple. ;) And Harry is dating a girl named Chloe these days (if I am up to date with the news), so I don't know if he would reject a woman just for her name. But I shall be very interested in the name of the woman he does finally marry . . .Bellitanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-12377980007535470502012-05-16T03:20:44.598-07:002012-05-16T03:20:44.598-07:00@ Bellita,
Oh yes!
Now you mention it, I see it n...@ Bellita,<br /><br />Oh yes!<br />Now you mention it, I see it now...<br /><br />I wonder...does this make you want to change the surname ASAP or does it make you want to keep it just for the comedy factor?<br /><br />(Actually, this might seem a silly question given that this name change is linked to marriage! Suppose one could take away the marriage bit, and you were given the option of changing your surname by deedpoll with no particular incentive in mind...)<br /><br />In which case, another silly question: which would you change? The surname or the first name?<br /><br />I heard a funny story about a man whose name was Adolf (the equivalent of 'pigsbottom' or somesuch unfortunate surname) who presented himself just after the war to change his name. Everyone thought he was there to change the 'Adolf' part but of course he was there to change the surname!<br />It had never even occurred to him to change the 'Adolf' bit...<br /><br />Speaking of which...one doesn't come across men named 'Adolf' anymore...<br />Hm...<br /><br />:-)Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-41582368328632647852012-05-16T01:48:30.316-07:002012-05-16T01:48:30.316-07:00@ST
With this in mind, dear Bellita...you should ...@ST <br /><i>With this in mind, dear Bellita...you should stay away from Mr. Bell, Mr. Ritter or Mr. Mellita...</i> <br /><br />Do you know what's funny? The first of my first names <i>already</i> rhymes with my last name! Hahahaha!Bellitanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-193311314394444212012-05-16T01:00:06.395-07:002012-05-16T01:00:06.395-07:00@ JV,
Yes, it really does feel a bit twilight z...@ JV,<br /><br />Yes, it really <i> does </i> feel a bit twilight zone, doesn't it?<br /><br />What I have realised over the years is that I feel different depending on the name I am being addressed by. And to some extent who is calling me. When I am called by my childhood name by say, one of my parents, I instantly feel like a 5-year old again. And once, I made the mistake of telling a (good) male friend my childhood name, and then days later, at a time I wasn't expecting it, he called me by that name. It was extremely uncomfortable to say the least, because to feel like a 5-year old at that time was weird...<br /><br />About old family 'passed down the generations' names, one of my first names serves this function too.<br />So if I ever have 'Eva', she is also getting this name LOL.<br /><br />About your mother's situation...yes I can see that it would be so easy for the nurses to explain her non-response with deafness/confusion/oversedation/indifference/defiance.<br />I have made that mistake too, until someone else in the family explains that they are usually known by a different name!Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-68906769080141974112012-05-16T00:47:05.230-07:002012-05-16T00:47:05.230-07:00@ PVW,
"Giving up the profession, interesti...@ PVW,<br /><br /><i> "Giving up the profession, interesting, if it means you can't change your name--that doesn't seem drastic? Give it up altogether? You wouldn't want to keep your professional license up to date even though you might not be in the field?" </i> <br /><br />Yes, I do think it may be a tad drastic.<br />But I would still do it if it ever became necessary to do it.<br />I wouldn't envisage being <i>un</i>employed, mind - I would find something else to do if it interfered with my role as 'part of the team'.<br /><br />I have always felt this way - even pre-Manosphere.<br />And no, it's not necessarily a position my family agree with...<br />But there we are...<br />I have a very specific reason I feel this way.<br /><br /><i> "...or some women are coming forward with concessions before the men even ask for them, in an attempt to find a partner?" </i> <br /><br />Whilst I have no doubt that this may be true (and who can blame any woman who does this?), I can tell you that there are some women who are intrinsically much more conservative/traditionally-minded than even thze men of The Manosphere would believe. Surprisingly so. I am not necessarily one of these women on ALL issues, but a significant number, yes.<br />And on such issues, I might actually (inadvertently) come across as implying that the Manosphere is too 'soft'.<br />This, I assure you, is just my own particular idosyncrasy, and I am willing to accept that it may not be completely normal, yes.<br /><br />Which brings me onto your very next point:<br /><br /><i> "What I find striking about that strategy is the "Catholic guilt" thing it seems to evoke. Feminism's failures, faults and so forth have nothing to do with young women today, but they feel the need to accept guilt and compensate? Surprising; there is enough to feel guilty about when you are truly at fault, why accept other forms of guilt?" </i> <br /><br />Hm. It is no coincidence of course that I am in fact Catholic.<br />My 'problems' may be something to do with this <i> mea culpa </i> business.<br />I don't know.<br />But something Bellita said in one of her posts comes to mind. Bellita said that when she sees a 'crown of thorns', she immediately wants to wear it.<br />Well, I know someone else who may share this sentiment :-)<br /><br />But seriously, do not underestimate the psychological impact of feminism on women my age and younger.<br />In may ways, it wouldn't surprise me to find that many young women who have not been infected with the 'disease' of feminism actually harbour attitudes of fierce defiance against it. In such a manner as to make them 'go the other way' and become 'extremist' traditionalists.<br />It wouldn't surprise me because I have already seen some signs of it in small pockets. Combined with a patriarchical religion like Catholicism it could get quite interesting.<br />If I am rational about this, I can see that this may not necessarily be healthy though.<br />I think it could end up being yet another new 'disease'.<br />And round and round we go :-)<br /><br />@ Danny,<br /><br />Interesting. Why am I not surprised by your take on this?<br /><br />As a woman who has never envisaged ever contemplating marriage without the name-change that goes with it, I can't help feel that had I been born a man I would have felt the way you do about this.<br /><br />I think as a woman, I feel the need to be 'taken under the wing' of a man if I felt so strongly about him as to want to marry him. A kind of symbolic 'belonging to him' thing.<br />Oh God, this feels so jolly primal!<br /><br />But I wonder if <i> you </i> feel this way because of a similar 'primal' reason, ie. wanting to 'own' her?(this is the wrong word, but I can't think of a better one to describe this concept).<br /><br />You know, most mindsets are de-programmable.<br />But somehow, this is one I am sure I could never be programmed out of.<br />Maybe because I wouldn't want to?<br />I dunno.<br /><br />Interesting discussion though, I must say...<br />Lots to think about all of a sudden :-)Spacetravellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202131232540121117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-80442106564619315022012-05-15T22:02:48.299-07:002012-05-15T22:02:48.299-07:00the last name thing is definately a thing for me. ...the last name thing is definately a thing for me. i'm not down with the hyphenation. <br /><br />when i get a "it's too hard to change." i respond with, "making a marriage work is difficult too, but you're willing to go through with it."<br /><br />i make to find out her take on this VERY early in the dating process. if she's not taking my name, i'm not getting married.dannyfrom504http://dannyfrom504.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-16946242936080625222012-05-15T20:55:20.075-07:002012-05-15T20:55:20.075-07:00My mom wanted to name me a certain name that my fa...My mom wanted to name me a certain name that my father wouldn't go for. (My actual name is a partial scrambling of my parents first names)<br /><br />So, to one side of the family, I'm one name, and to the other side another. Lol.<br /><br />Here's where things get a bit twillight zone. In my everyday life, I use my legal name, but eventually friends will start calling me by my other name. Even if they've never heard anyone else call me that. They think that they have coined an original name for me. A nick name of sorts. Kinda weird. (And no, my mother didn't name me something insulting.lol)<br /><br />As in Bellita's case, certain names are "family" names that go back several generations. Though my mother rejected that name, and went by her middle name from the time she was three. She's been having health issues, and can be doped up at times. If nurses call her by her first name, she doesn't always understand that she's the one being addressed.just visitingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5312159882790612546.post-72102367059835164262012-05-15T19:39:11.568-07:002012-05-15T19:39:11.568-07:00PVW here again--
Space Traveler:
But I imagine i...PVW here again--<br /><br />Space Traveler:<br /><br />But I imagine it is hard if one is contemplating marriage and already there is discord about the 'team name'.<br />I kinda get The Manosphere's gripe about this. It's a question of primordial 'territory-marking' or something. I guess it is to do with male pride/ownership...<br /><br />My reply:<br /><br />From what I have seen of it, not in the Manosphere, but when it comes up on occasion in news articles on the subject, when men hear a woman will not change her name upon marrying, it reeks of 1970s era feminism that a woman wants to assert her independence from him; she doesn't want to be on "his team," she doesn't want to be "owned;" he wants them to really be seen as a family, and for them to be a family, they must have one name.<br /><br />I know a couple who hyphenated both of their names--he took her name and added it on; she took his and added it on.<br /><br />As for the husband, he is quite laid-back, so he didn't care.<br /><br />I remember when I sent out Xmas cards right after we were married, my mom though it was amusing that I hyphenated our names, that this was our "team": Merry Christmas from A and B C-D!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com