This post will be very long.
And full of flowery feminine language.
That's because I am talking to a fellow woman here.
You gentlemen, take a hike for a few hours :-)
(In the nicest possible way).
Oh how I miss Danny with his 'ITLR' posts! We ladies don't really have a 'locker room' as such. We talk anywhere, anytime, whenever the need arises.
Indeed a need has just arisen.
This post is nothing other than an emergency open letter to Glissando's M.
I had promised Glissando a post about a film which mirrors his own idyllic world on an island.
I was working on that.
After a few unavoidable days of 'no internet access', I plugged in to The Sanctuary to find this comment by Metak to Glissando:
"Meh, don't worry about "The Sanctuary"... it was built by an ancient super-dupper-secret order of initiated Hamsters... this 'sisterhood of hamsters' operates in highest secrecy and has managed to infiltrate highest ranks of governments round the world... to this very day, the order is bound by one goal and one goal only! To protect "The Sanctuary" and their queen "Spacetraveller"..."
Lovely Sanctuarites, don't listen to The Metak! There is no secret society! No infiltration! No protection money!
No, the above is not what's got my hamsters in unadulterated and unified uproar.
It was this comment by Glissando to Metak (bold emphasis mine):
"At the time you posted (July 31, 2014 at 7:23 PM) she was telling me FWB is definitely available, as long as I understand, she wants to have my children. Contraception would be entirely over to me. She said she will spend the rest of her life trying to prove I can trust her word, but hopes I will come to trust her before she's too old (she's in her early 20's at this time). Also, if I want to emigrate to any country that remains uninfected with the feminism virus, she would love to come with me as the happiest woman in the world."
The following video reflects my immediate thought:
My two existing hamsters had to be sedated because their reactions would have been akin to a nuclear reactor, well, reacting.
And lo and behold, a third hamster popped up in my being, just for you. M :-)
Thank you kindly, M. As if I didn't have enough hamsters on board :-)
This one is Indian, to boot. She is middle-aged, has no scruples or decorum, and is a thousand times worse than Dalrock's Yiayia.
As I write, this hamster is in a state of catatonia following the shock of seeing Glissando's comment.
Forget sedation, this hamster will have to be sectioned and put under general anaesthetic for its own safety as soon as we can get it to the nearest secure unit.
After the 'are you joking me?' followed by the famous Indian head shake (you know the one I mean, M! see video below), this hamster was ready to take you apart.
But...I shan't let it. This dirty job is one I have to do myself.
All hamsters silenced, M, let me calmly explain to you what all the fuss is about.
Get Glissando out. Fix him a beer or something, and let him get out of your hair for a bit.
Pull up a chair. Sit by me.
We need to talk.
Glissando was waxing lyrical about you a few posts back. I was led to believe he had found a gem amongst women.
Young - at least younger than him (check).
Renounces feminism (double check).
Seems to be into him (check).
I was thinking, well, what is wrong with this man? Why won't he lock down this exceptional woman?? Why does he 'remain MGHOW' when he has a woman at hand who would be the envy of men everywhere?
And then he hit me with the above comment.
And then I realised, M, you are not being exceptional, Pet.
I say this with all the love for you that someone who doesn't actually know you can muster.
By the way, if Glissando was joking, or downright lying when he said to me that you offered him sex and babies, despite his (blatantly) telling you that he won't offer you his commitment, then you should give him a friendly slap (in a non-dangerous part of his body, i.e. not his head or erm, the other place, lol), saying these words, 'you big old lying beast' with a half-smile.
The ferocity with which you deliver this bit of mock-violence may be directly proportional to your level of mock 'anger' at him. I just hope for Glissando's sake that you are not wearing a 'red dress' today, if you catch my drift.
If Glissando was telling me the truth (and the rest of this post is based on this assumption), then....
a few words for you...
1) You are very much into feminism. More than you realise. You are 'talking the talk' of 'renouncing feminism', but in reality, you are not really 'walking the walk'.
Pre-feminism, no woman offered a man (unmarried) sex because the implication of this would be that she was putting herself and her unborn child at risk. Without the commitment of a man in both a husbandly and fatherly role, woman and child are at the mercy of others - her own parents (but why should they continue to be responsible for you long after they have done their duty raising you and your siblings?), friends (why should they be burdened with you when they have their own lives to lead?, strangers (need I even go there?)
Feminism offers the 'empowered woman' an alternative to the dedicated role a man takes on when he marries a woman, by offering lesser alternatives.
Your career is no longer an additional source of income should you need it if your husband is incapacitated in some way, but a 'I kill my own snakes' lifeline for you and your fatherless child.
The state will give you money in the form of 'social securty', therefore reducing the amount it could give to people who really need it because they have come up against a temporary financial crisis and need a hand for a while until they can get back on their feet.
These lesser alternatives, whilst being less desirable for you personally, are also robbing others of their due. Feminism is training you to be a thief.
Question for you: do you want to be a thief?
2) You are being gravely dishonest. This kind of dishonesty will make you merciless one day. This is the reason I called you Glissando's 'belle dame sans merci'. It is habitual dishonesty like this that leads to pain for men.
You know you don't want to just offer the 'free gift' of yourself to someone who won't stay with you forever. He has already told you he is MGHOW. That means he doesn't feel the need to make you his Queen. This is painful, of course, my dear. He is rejecting you. I get it.
But what should be the correct response from you in the face of such utter rejection from Glissando?
I can tell you what it should NOT be, M.
It should NOT be: "You don't want to commit to me? Alright, then, no problem, I shall give you free, unlimited sex! I shall have your babies!"
No! No! No!
Any woman can offer a man this.
This ain't special.
This won't make a man feel 'cherished'.
It's as common as muck, this. Especially nowadays. Ten a penny. Literally.
And moreover, you will hate yourself for this one day. Supposing under the circumstances of such a bad start, you two do end up together...
One day, you will look at this man and say to yourself: I gave him so much of myself just to earn his commitment. How could I have cheapened myself so much? You will (unfairly) transfer your self-hate to him. You will do this automatically. You will not realise you are doing it. You will show genuine surprise if someone points this out to you.
The next words you will say to Glissando will be 'it's not you, it's me...' or 'I love you but I am not in love with you..'
Or if you are married, it will be 'I want a divorce...'
And boy, will you punish him for the 'hurt' he caused you that he didn't know he had (inadvertently) done all those years ago when you offered him sex on a platter and he thought he had won the jackpot...
M, men don't see this coming because they are not really trained to. But you and I know how your little charade will end, don't we? We are women. This is our area of expertise. We understand each other. We speak the same language. We know what's going on in each other's heads.
Don't use this wicked manipulative manouevre to 'hook' a man. It's not a nice thing to do.
It is exactly what a feminist would do!
You don't fool me. And stop lying to yourself and Glissando.
I am actually quite proud of Glissando, because, by the looks of things, he ain't fooled either. Which is why he 'remains MGHOW' despite your 'generous' offer.
You failed his fitness test (as I shall explain below) but he passed yours.
M, listen to me.
As an unmarried woman, sex is not even yours to offer.
Did you know this absolute truth?
For those of us brought up under feminism, this is a truism that was either never passed on to us, or if it was, we forgot it in our attempt to 'empower' ourselves. In effect, you would have to be twice your age, at least, to have grown up with this notion or principle as 'standard'.
But it doesn't have to be this way.
As a beautiful, single woman, YOU hold the key to society. Did you never figure this out?
What's gone wrong?
Your sexuality, as a single, unattached woman, belongs to God/Allah/Yahweh/insert Deity of your choice.
When you and a man worthy of you, pledge to come together as a unit before man and said Deity, your gift of self in its wholeness becomes unlocked, and you are free to offer that man (and him only!) everything you have, including your sexuality. Until then, you must guard it as if your life literally depends on it. Because it does.
Glissando doesn't trust you - yet. And I think he is right not to.
Because you are not being an effective gatekeeper.
Where is your b*tch shield, sister? This is what it was designed for!
Why is your weaponry deserting you at a time you need it the most?
In Glissando's decision-making as to whether he takes you on as 'Partner for Life', he should never be put into a situation where he begins to question your suitability as a wife. No!
He should know that you are a worthy woman right off the bat. That puts you into the starter position. Without this, you are not even in the running, my dear.
And even so, there will be 'resistance' to marriage. Outside The Sanctuary, it is called 'commitment phobia'. You know how I feel about this falsehood if you have read some of what I write here. :-)
But his 'resistance' should only be about exorcising his own demons from his own soul, i.e. it should be about making himself worthy of you. This is a process which he won't of course confide to you, but it is a process that will happen internally within him nonetheless.
But you are making it easy for him to simply walk away and never look back!
Here I am telling these guys who come to The Sanctuary that there are good women everywhere, and here you are trying your hardest to prove me wrong.
Stop stealing my thunder, M!
Game is all well and good. I fully endorse it, yes, as you would have read several times on this blog. Without it, many men would be 'dead in the water' when it comes to love/romance.
But you as a woman have to 'win' against Game to be worthy. As much as we 'fitness test' men all the time, I have news for you - men too have their own 'fitness tests' for us women. And it can be brutal. As it should be.
Can you see how you have badly failed Glissando's 'fitness test'?
He runs a little 'Dread Game' on you and you are ready to offer him all that you have?
Does this mean that any other man with as much Game as him can take you away from him at the drop of a hat in the future?
Can you really not see that by failing his little fitness test, the bad side effect of it is that he now sees you as a bad bet for wifehood?
Are you seeing what I am seeing now?
Can you now see that Glissando is being a better gatekeeper of his commitment than you are of sex?
He knows that to pick the wrong partner could literally end his life.
I say it again if you are feeling slow today: His life depends on it.
Why, you ask...
Psk, you know why.
He has two dead friends...remember?
So he takes this sort of thing very seriously.
You should too.
And his hamster will help him in this vetting process. You don't think men have hamsters too? They sure do. And it is more logical and clinical than yours or mine. When Glissando is ready to dump you right after he has found a more worthy woman than you are being right now, this is what Glissando Junior will say to Glissando Senior:
"Dude, time to split. This chick was good while it lasted. Time for greener pastures. Remember she was never going to be 'The One' anyway, right? No tears. No lost sleep. Just give her 'the speech' pronto.
There was always something 'missing' with her.
Don't lose sleep over this one. See what the next one has to offer..."
Not nice, is it?
Your decision-making now, in your early twenties must be pristine, clear-headed, solid. Because this determines the direction of the rest of your life.
All those women in their late 30s, early 40s asking 'where are all the good men?' - do you honestly not know how they got to where they are?
I tell you.
They made horrible decisions just like you are making right now, back when they were supposedly at their most powerful, which is what you are now.
Don't mess it up.
Don't go soft in the head, at a time when you should be at your toughest.
Glissando won't die if you don't offer him sex.
He'll take it if it's on offer, sure!
But sadly, that doesn't mean he will like you any better, or love you for it.
Have you seen the film 'Friends with benefits?' It stars Mila Kunis, I think.
I don't usually recommend Hollywood films, but this one has a specific message for you, M.
In this film, a woman does exactly what you are doing now. She offers 'no strings' sex to a man when deep down she hopes for far more from him.
When her (inevitable, if you ask me!) meltdown occurs years down the road where she accuses him of just 'using her for sex', she looks surprised when he points out (logically) that she offered, and he took her up on her offer, thank you Ma'am.
This woman was being deceitful, and she knew it. But she thought she could wangle her way out of her own mess. In the end she found she couldn't.
I hope you can see now that neither can you, if you persist in your currently flawed thinking process.
Glissando certainly doesn't need babies with a woman he is not fully committed to.
Have you seen the film 'Friends with kids?'
Again, another Hollywood film packed full of lessons for you.
In this one, a woman wants a baby, but alas, with no husband, what is she to do?
Why not just have one with a platonic friend? What could possibly go wrong?
Do you see where I am heading with this?
Dishonesty to oneself leads to personal pain.
Where that pain involves the next generation, you are doubly responsible.
Children need much more than just a mother.
This 'single by choice' movement that is sweeping the world - it is killing children in more ways than we thought possible.
I have a friend who is a child psychiatrist - I definitely know what I am talking about here!
When I talked about 'what is a woman for', the four Fs were features a woman brings to a committed table. I would have hoped that this was understood without me spelling it out.
OK, food might be an exception. You can cook for anyone. I think it is a good thing, because you get to practise, and your value as a cook doesn't go down the more you cook.
Faithfulness is also something you can 'practise' even when you are single, because you can stay faithful to God whilst you prepare to be faithful to an earthly man.
Family (meaning children) and definitely the fourth 'F' are strictly for marriage! I never endorsed otherwise.
And for sure, feminism is not one of the F's. LOL.
When I talk about 'walking the walk', I mean living, breathing, eating, drinking what you believe in. No half measures.
This was brought home to me in a big way last week when I met an extraordinary family. I learned so much from them. I would like to share this with you to show you what I mean by really 'walking the walk'.
This Spanish family were on holiday in England. Father, mother, son (?early thirties) and his girlfriend, and also daughter (late twenties but so severely disabled (due to a very rare congenital abnormality) that she looked like a five year old).
Daughter got sick, so they brought her to hospital.
Only son spoke English, so he was the only one we could communicate with.
The dedication which this man showed his little sister was unbelievable and great to behold. He would carry her in his arms when she needed moving. Mum and Dad were obviously devoted to her too.
This family were really 'walking the walk'. Before having this disabled child, I am sure the parents' wedding vows included the words 'we will accept without reservation whatever children God gives us'.
And they did. Almost thirty years later, here they are caring for the beautiful girl God gave them.
Even being in hospital, whenever the nurses offered to clean her or do some other task relating to her care, the family would politely decline, and to my amusement, would give the nurses a look that said, 'why would we let someone else care for our family member? You don't see that we have two hands each? What did God give us these for?
(OK, OK, I admit, these are words I imagine they must be saying to themselves, not words they actually verbalised, LOL).
This is what I mean by 'walking the walk'.
There is another aspect to this story that I want to draw your attention to, M.
The girlfriend was identifiable as such by her (almost imperceptible) distance from the rest of the family, and that neither she nor son were wearing wedding rings.
She wasn't jumping in there and taking over the care of disabled girl.
Why am I applauding this woman, M?
She was 'taking her time'. She wasn't married to son, yet. She was free to walk from this undoubtedly potentially difficult situation at any time. Afterall, once married, the care of disabled daughter might fall to her as the 'helper' of son.
And, let's not forget, afterall, if this illlness were genetic (which I believe it is, having researched it), there was every chance that son was a potential carrier (it wasn't an X-linked' disease, which usually gurarantees that only women are carriers and sons are the affected) and therefore her potential children with son could also be affected...
She was clearly spending time (as she should) with this family, to see whether they were a 'fit' for her, as much as I am sure she was also being vetted by 'son' as a potential 'fit' for him.
But she wasn't overdoing the 'caring girlfriend' thing.
She wasn't 'trying too hard'.
She wasn't influencing his decision about her by latching onto his disabled sister as a 'crutch' to display to anyone watching what a great carer she would be. Believe me, many women would have done this.
She was there with them. That's enough.
At the right time, I have every faith that she will 'escalate' her duties accordingly, and stick with them.
This Spanish woman is doing things right.
She is nice, but not too nice, which should make a discerning man suspicious.
You see M?
Don't go overboard with 'proving your love' to Glissando.
In a sense, you are being like those so-called 'nice guys' who get nowhere with classy women because these women know that these guys are not really 'nice'. They are not genuine.
And then the false 'truism' that 'niceness' is bad, or 'nice guys finish last' happens.
It is not really about the 'niceness'. It is what is underneath the veneer of 'nice' that discerning women pick up.
Likewise, men know when a woman is being genuinely nice or not.
Glissando rumbled you.
You need to start being genuine, M.
You should be at an age now where you can see into the future. At least your future.
'Future time orientation' is a very important skill of womanhood, love.
You should be picturing at regular intervals what your future looks like, from now, if not already in your late teens.
What does it look like, your future?
And are you slowly but surely working towards it?
Or are you just 'leaving it to chance' like all the other silly girls?
There are things you have control over. Take control!
Make good, sound, choices. Not desperate 'Trojan horse' type choices that you think men don't see for what they are.
You now know that Glissando for one won't fall for it. You have been warned.
The thing about good, sound choices is that they become part of who you are. You will routinely make good choices if you start now.
And then there are things you have no control over. Leave them to Deity. He will look after you.
If you do what is right, He will help you when things get tough.
He is beta like that :-)
Here are a few scenarios of the future.
Be sure to tell me which one(s) best fit in with your own plans for your future.
Which one(s) are undesirable?
Which one(s) are more likely to happen to you, and why?
These are all questions which are designed to make you think harder about your own life. I hope they are not too harsh.
But then again, better harsh questions now than harsher questions you will ask yourself if you deviate from the straight and narrow path now.
I hope you agree with me on this point.
But still, I really really hope you won't see these as too harsh. Most women will balk at something they deem too harsh. I don't want that to happen here. These are important questions for you to ponder.
So just do it.
You don't need to answer them here. But be sure to have answers for them in your head. In your own time.
Easy does it...
This is an email I get from Glissando in seven years' time.
Read it carefully.
Hi Spacetraveller, how are ya?
Hope life finds you well.
I am still celebrating after the All Blacks won the Seven Nations. My son Reuben* is still doing the 'Haka'. Bless him, he is only three, but heck, I can see he will one day be a true kiwi warrior, hehe. Takes after his Dad, of course, LOL.
Just wanted to see how you were. Sorry our boys thrashed England. Can't say I am shedding tears, but just to let you know I feel a little bad for you 'cos I know you are a Brit.
Anyhow, must go now. M needs a lift to the hospital. Time for the six month scan. It's a girl this time! Reuben is looking forward to being a big brother. He is already wanting to call her 'princess'.
Damn, I have to start teaching him Game, hehe.
Catch up later,
I get this postcard from Latvia in three years' time.
I am thinking, 'who do I know in Latvia?' as I read:
How ya doing?
I know you won't like this, but what the heck, I'll tell ya.
Still MGHOW, but I have decided to take a 'sabbatical' from my beautiful island and do a 'Roosh' from time to time, haha.
So now I am in Latvia.
It's G'day from Latvia, LOL.
Currently seeing this blonde. 'Seeing' if you catch my drift.
It's great. She's nice, but nothing longterm, I'm afraid.
Oh well, enjoying the decline, as they say.
I heard from M last week. Did I tell you? Right after I dumped her, she married some bloke from Christchurch pretty sharpish. Even I was taken by surprise.
Anyway, she had a kid like within six months, I swear.
Anyhow, she texted me to say she is divorcing the poor bloke.
She wants to 'meet up for drinks'.
Brrr, not sure I like this...
Anyway, back to my blonde now. She just made a cake. Can't keep the nice lady waiting, hehe.
Of course, M, I realise that life is not black and white.
This is a third scenario which no woman wants.
Every woman must face this possiblity head on, as opposed to jumping into bad decisions precisely because we don't want to face this harsh reality.
There is one (ex-)woman commenter on this blog who faced this reality head on, and I know she meant it when she said she was prepared to be alone for the rest of her life doing what God demands of her, even if it meant she was 'unattractive' to most men.
I know that this woman will become a marvellous wife one day.
She showed (and continues to show) great commitment to God.
God is kind. He won't let her down. He will honour her innermost desire one day, at a time of His choosing. This Wise woman is waiting for that time.
Can you do that?
Scenario 3 is an excerpt from an obituary, 80 ish years from now.
Don't let it depress you. Take the positives from it and work with it.
The family ________________ regret to announce the death of their beloved sister, cousin, aunt and great aunt M. She was a truly blessed human being, and her loss leaves a big hole in our lives. M leaves behind many friends, young and old, a treasured family and many acquaintances who will deeply miss her. Joyous and gracious wherever she meant, M was a ray of sunshine to all she met. Never having married nor had children of her own, M had a smile on her face every day of her long and happy life. This lady was 'Mother' to everyone in her little community on North Island. It was an honour to be related to such a beautiful human being who made all our lives a little sweeter for having known her.
Rest in peace, Aunty M. Memories of your legendary chicken pie will keep us going for a while yet!
Your loving great-nephew, Matt.
Of course there are other scenarios yet. I am not done with you, M!
This one, Scenario 4, is a letter from a man you don't know yet. He writes to his mum on Mother's Day. He sounds British and quite posh by the sounds of it :-):
Happy Mother's Day!
I am so sorry I cannot be with you on this special day. Hope Tom and Luke are good enough consolation prizes. Don't worry, everyone knows that *I* am your favourite son. No secret there, LOL.
Anyway, how's life, Mother?
How is Father enjoying his retirement so far? Is he itching to get back to work yet?
Gosh, has it really been a year since I last saw you guys?
Must fix that, promise!
I have some news for you.
Remember that kiwi girl I went to that concert with in London back in 2016? The pretty girl who thought 'Cockfosters' was a beer, rather than a tube station?
Anyway, I am back in New Zealand with her and her family now.
She is really sweet. I knew I was in love with her even when she was in London, but anyway...
She seemed so sad then, do you remember?
I pressed her on why she had those sad eyes, and she told me she had just broken up with some chap called Glissando back in NZ. Must be some Italian gigolo, if you ask me.
Apparently he broke her heart. But she got over it pretty quickly. It was such a pleasure to see her come back to life as it were. It took me a long time to realise how much she meant to me. That fool Glissando will never know what he missed out on. This girl is one in a million! I would never have gotten to know her had she not dropped her phone on the table in that coffee shop in Highgate when I first met her and I ended up practising my pick-up lines on her (smile).
To cut a long story short, I finally asked her to marry me and she said 'yes'!
So yes, Mother, you can go buy a hat now, LOL.
Will discuss the wedding details when I get back to London.
For now, though, M is going to show me round the island. Looking forward to THAT!
Cheerio, and enjoy Mother's Day!
Your best son,
Yet again, *sigh* is another scenario you might not like...
This is from your own blog in 2019...
Another year, another Valentine's Day fast approaching with no date in sight.
I don't know what's wrong with men these days.
Just because I have a child...
Some guy on Date a Single Mom.com emailed me to say he would have gone for me, but for my daughter. Can you believe that? How horrible are these people? Why can't they see my daughter for the blessing that she is?
Come to think of it, why won't Glissando take my calls these days? It's not like he has a girlfriend or anything. He is still living on his island, all alone, like me.
But he won't bother with me or Lisa*.
It's really painful nowadays to look at her. She has his face, dammit.
I wish we could have stuck together. You know, for Lisa's sake.
She has been asking me lately why she doesn't have a Daddy like all the other kids at school. Breaks my heart.
She seemed really happy for a while while I was dating Bob. She seemed to get on well with him. When he left she was devastated. I thought things would get back to normal for her when Joe arrived on the scene, but he moved on even quicker than Bob.
What is it with these men? Why won't they commit?
Where are all the good men?
M, you and I understand each other because we speak the same language. I can look into your soul as much as you could look into mine.
From my soul to yours, I implore you to Wise up and Wake up.
Feminism has many (ugly) faces. It is good that you renounce it.
But don't do it by words alone.
Really do it.
Do the right thing, even if it seems hard.
Don't offer things you don't really deep down want to give away.
Not only will you respect yourself more, but the whole world would too.
You should aim for higher things, M, and higher things will come to you.
Offering cheap thrills (which is what you are doing here, sorry to say) is not the right way to brighten your life.
You have so much more in you than you display to Glissando here.
Bring out the best M, and you will be much, much happier in life.
Peace, Young Lady.
*Names have been changed to protect the