The day after I drafted this post, Charming Disarray made a comment in 'The lovable rogue' which made me wonder if she comes under this category of woman described here, at least in part?
Here's (an excerpt of) her comment:
"Concerning men whose mothers and sisters adore them which in turn influences other women to see him the same way, there's a guy I know who fits that description perfectly. And I totally fell for it at first. And then.....there were a few occasions where he showed he couldn't be counted on, and I now grow increasingly impatient with the worship he gets from his womenfolk. But maybe that's me being an "outlier" again. :P "
Hm...I think when it comes to 'preselection', our CD really is an outlier.
Here's why I think so.
There is one popular mantra I have never quite reconciled with.
And I am someone who actually does agree with much of the wisdom of The Manosphere.
So I am by no means a foe of The Manosphere.
But this one issue bugs me. Or rather it did for a long time - until I figured out what my problem was.
My 'stumbling block' to complete reconciliation with The Manosphere lies in the phenomeon of 'preselection'.
I completely agree that women are hypergamous.
I even think it is necessary.
I completely agree that men need Game to 'win' in the current dating milieu.
I completely agree that women need to be more feminine.
I completely agree that women should be submissive to their husbands (note I did not say 'subservient').
But I was fiercely opposed to the idea that women only want men who are wanted by other women.
Because I knew of the existence of many women for whom this is patently false.
I have figured out, I think, what the 'problem' is.
These women are on the whole, 'masculine women'.
And they are by no means the majority.
But they are what one would call ' a significant minority'.
And in fact, The Manosphere is not wrong about these women's preselection.
They do like 'preselected' men.
The only difference when it comes to preselection between these women and other women is...
Preselection ...by whom?
The Manosphere claims that women want men who other women have previously (or have currently!) chosen.
So a man who surrounds himself with lots of beautiful women will have a better chance of attracting a woman than one who is obviously a loner.
A man who is married will often report a higher interest in him by other women when he is wearing his wedding band, and indeed when he is in the company of his wife than when he is alone.
A man whose online profile includes photos with women will often get more responses.
A man who is recommended to a woman by another woman is more likely to attract the woman than one who is recommended to her by a man.
In all these cases, I believe it is not just that the man has previously 'got' other women, because afterall, some or most of these women he surrounds himself with will be relatives or platonic friends.
I think what's more important for the woman who may be interested in this man is, is he safe to be around? If he is around other women, even if they are his own sisters, he is somehow 'safer' than if he is never to be found in the company of women.
Nevermind that he may be a serial killer and his sisters will lie through their teeth to cover for him: the important thing here is that another woman deems this man lovable enough to 'cover for'. If he is someone's 'lovable rogue', that's all a woman needs to know.
Somewhat illogical, but true :-)
Very few women will feel brave enough to approach a true loner without any evidence of this 'social proof' by another woman. There would have to be an overwhelmingly valid reason why this lack of 'social proof' would be overridden by a woman.
Like there are bizarre externuating circumstances - like in a war.
Like he is 'special' enough that her hypergamy (whch is the highest instinct in a woman) is sufficiently satisfied and she is no longer looking for other 'qualifiers'.
In other words, he is supremely alpha and has short-circuited his way into her heart straightaway :)
I get that.
But there are women, believe it or not for whom none of the above apply in even a remotely abstract way, let alone a tangible way.
Because these women are looking at a man not by his relationship to other women, but to how he measures up to other men.
These are the women who are wired to be unimpressed when their elderly female neighbour says with a sly wink: "You know, I have a son who is a doctor in New York. Maybe you should meet him."
Because to this woman, a 'recommendation' by a man's mother is too easy.
Because she knows that every mother loves her son. No matter how much of a 'rogue' he is :-)
This same woman will sit up and show interest if her married male co-worker says to her, "My old college room-mate is coming to town from New York to go to the game /go hunting /spend time at The Hamptons with me. He is single and 'looking'."
Why?
Because the man of interest has been endorsed by another man. Who is the best judge of men.
Because these women want to know how much a man squares up to his peers, i.e. other men. They don't care how many women a man has beddded (in fact they are put off by a man who has a high 'number'), but instead want to know how many men he has beaten in competition, whatever that competition my be.
These women are judging a man by his higher functions rather than his baser achievements.
These are the same women who will use words like 'honour' and 'respect' in their everyday vocabulary.
And they are certainly judging men as a man would judge a man.
And so when the guy they are dating drops the bombshell that he is married, or is in a relationship, hoping this will make the woman more interested in him, he is blindsided by the fact that she can't leave his presence fast enough, never to return.
For these women, (current) preselection by other women, i.e. anything other than strict monogamy is an automatic deal-breaker, their 'non-negotiable'. Past preselection is negotiable, but only if it was kept at a minimal level. They won't be part of any harem, soft or hard, for sure.
And they never listen to 'the herd' unless 'the herd' has something sensible to say about a man.
They will happily date the geek no-one wants, as long as the geek has the respect of his fellow geeks.
There is always a silver lining :-)
I dunno.
Perhaps CD could clarify, in light of what I have discussed in this post?
Any other woman feel this way about how they 'assess' men?
Any man notice this phenomenon play out in a woman he knows?
Disclaimer: I don't necessarily think that this alternative 'preselection' pattern by a minority of women is superior to the usual preselection one. I just find it interesting enough to write about :-)
