Friday, January 20, 2012

Appreciating female beauty

Code: I am doing it again: I am translating from the french 'apprécier', in the sense of 'to enjoy' or 'to like' and not in the sense of 'to be grateful for'.

I read with great interest Roissy's recent post imploring men not to let a woman's beauty affect them. At first I was alarmed. Even appalled.
I thought this was surely bad advice for men.

Because the whole point of female beauty was that it was the signal men picked up on to suggest to them her youth and therefore fertility and therefore eligibility for the mating game (unless of course, the man concerned is MGHOW).
So, if men were to find a way to ignore or lessen the impact of female beauty, they would be eliminating one of their own very important attraction triggers.
This was my initial thought.

Then after a while, I calmed down.

Here's why.

A while ago, Bellita's post What would Frankie do? touched on femininity. What was interesting about this post is that it quickly morphed into a discussion about female beauty.
Someone mentioned the french singer Alizée.

Whilst I had never heard of Alizée before, I was suitably impressed with her when I saw this video.

The first comment on the video is from a man who says, and I quote word for word, "This chick is so HOT my girlfriend just got a boner!!!!"

Whilst this was not quite my reaction, I kind of get it.
First of all, I was asking myself, "how does she do that?"
The very fluid arm and body movements are essentially feminine, and she executes them exceedingly well.
She is also a naturally beautiful woman, there is no doubt.
She is stupefying. At least at first.

(Sadly for you, gentlemen, this woman is off the market, by the way. She got married at age 19. Let's hope her husband agrees she is a 'nice girl' according to my previous criteria, and that she remains that way for life).

Even as a woman, I was struck by her beauty.

There was a time I used to compliment women who I noticed were very beautiful. Out and about, on the streets, in the shops, at college, whenever I saw an extremely beautiful woman, I would go up to her and say it. I usually got one of two reactions:

Some would be very gracious and even compliment me back.
Some would be visibly perturbed that another woman was telling them this. I could see the unease on their faces, and the suspicion of my 'orientation'.

Because of the latter reaction, I stopped doing this.
Because it felt like I was unnecesarily putting these women in a position of superiority over me. And I was not being rewarded for it.

I guess this was what Roissy was alluding to. If even I as a woman can be reduced to a virtual statue for a while, how much more a man?

Appreciating a woman's beauty can lead men to over-pedestalise a woman. A certain amount is fine, because it causes a positive feedback loop in a woman's mind when she knows a man finds her attrractive. But too much, and the attraction she has for him can be killed off.

Also, a man who can retain his composure when faced with a beautiful woman, particularly if she is used to men drooling all over her, will be seen as 'unusual' by her. As per this post, this is good for the man, because that alone gets him in her good books. Especially as his composure prevents him from being lewd.

Nothing more unpleasant for a woman, especially if she is 'well endowed' than to have a strange man stare at her chest (assuming her 'friends' are not out on open display, that is).

The man who achieves this can go to near the top of the list, if not right at the very top.
But if a longterm relationship is to come of this initial encounter, there will have to be a time when he goes through a 'beta' phase, which essentially includes some degree of pedestalisation.

The problem with being stupefied by a beautiful woman on first seeing her is that it makes a man 'beta' straight away.
It is crucial that the whole 'alpha/beta' thing starts off in the right order. It has to start with 'alpha'.

Does complimenting a woman on her beauty increase her entitlement complex?
I think this depends on the woman. For some women, that's all they have going for them, so their self-worth may be entirely based on their beauty. So for these women, perhaps it is a necessary tool.

Others know that beauty is skin-deep and fleeting, and so understand its place in their value/worth and don't over-rely on it. Such women would not have an inflated sense of self based on their beauty alone.

So Roissy is right afterall. It is surprising sometimes who ends up as an 'ally' on the journey into the unknown.

Appreciate a woman's beauty. But don't let it go to your head.

As Dannyfrom504 says, his approach to pretty women is somewhat like this:
"I often tell women, "ok, you're what?"
That's some serious Game right there.
Even the prettiest woman will stop in her tracks with this.


dannyfrom504 said...

well, it's true. i mean, i appreciate physical beauty, i DO. but.....if she's interesting, i'll lose interest, i don't care HOW beautiful she is.

you wanna eff with a hot girl's head, tell her she's "kinda cute". funniest thing ever.

thanks for the mention Love.

buy eyelashes extensions michigan said...

A physical beauty for a woman can carry her far and bring her advantages more than none, but its not only that can make her successful, other much more important factors are good manners and talent.

Spacetraveller said...

Hello BEEM,

Welcome! (I assume you are not spamming me...)

Yes, you are right. Physical beauty is one thing, the thing that gets you in the door :-)

After that, you'd better have something else to back it up.
Manners and talent are a good place to start, absolutely!