Sunday, March 25, 2012

Daddy's little princess

This post should really be entitled 'The sins of the Father'.
However, on reflection, I decided that this was not as grave a sin as that described here.
Because the consequences of the sins of the Mother are far greater than this.
Hopefully I can explain my reasoning in a clear fashion below.

Besides, it is only fair after bashing Mama's boys to take a long hard look at his female counterpart.
Equal opportunities and all that :-)

We all know about the possible consequences of absent fatherhood.
Teenage pregnancy, promiscuity, depression, low self-esteem, underachievement in school, delinquency...the list goes on.

But there is another ill in society, less acknowledged, but nonetheless present.

This is where a father over-indulges his little princess.
Daddy means well. Perhaps he had it hard growing up. He doesn't want his little daughter to suffer in life the way he did. She should have the best of everything.

This Daddy is not actually a 'bumbling beta' as you would suspect, ususally. He usually is an excellent husband. He has the right amount of alpha and beta in him to sustain a lifelong marriage, make no mistake about that.
But he goes weak at the knees for his girl. For his daughter.
Nothing or no-one will ever be good enough for her.

But I believe that if he is indeed a beta man, the situation is much worse for men seeking his daughter's attention than if he were a bona fide alpha.


Because an intrinsically alpha man will never see another man as a threat, even where his beloved daughter is concerned. He is secure in himself. He has his wife's support and love and loyalty (hopefully). His daughter is just another woman to spoil :-)
A beta man did not succeed in keeping the 'tingle' of his wife going for long. He is 'king' to no-one except his daughter. Here, he won the lottery. A woman looks up to him. A woman thinks the sun rises and sets on him. Adoration and respect non-stop. Every man's greatest wish.
He will do anything to keep this going.
Even if he is emotionally absent, he will use material wealth to keep daughter sweet.
This is his psycological Achilles' heel, so to speak. Woe betide the man who tries to lure daughter's gaze away from him.
This is the man who caries a gun around when daughter starts dating.
Because he knows his self-built dream concerning daughter is about to be shattered by some little upstart who most likely does not deserve his daughter.

For the upcoming little upstart who wants to compete with Princess' Daddy, how to tell the difference between an alpha Daddy and a beta Daddy?
It's simple. Look at how Daddy and Mummy relate to each other. Who wears the pants in their relationship? The more beta Daddy is to Mummy, the more alpha he will be towards daughter, and the worse for you, little upstart :-)

But, if you are not in a position to see Daddy and Mummy interact, just look at how Mummy and daughter interact. You don't care about how daughter relates to Mummy: all girls are competitive with their mothers, it's part of growing into one's femininity. What's important here is how Mummy relates to daughter.
If you get the impression that Mummy is somewhat in competition with daughter, then Dad is beta. If Mummy acts jealous in any way towards daughter, Dad is extremely beta and you stand virtually no chance with daughter.
Why? Because the wife of an alpha (who loves her) is secure in the knowledge that her femininity is validated by a masculine man. She is in competition with no-one, least of all her own daughter.

Being Daddy's little princess is a good thing for a woman in many ways.
Because she has a father, full stop.
That alone has been shown to increase self esteem.
It also allows a good starting point for a woman's 'man tolerance device'  - her hourglass apparatus. The higher the level she starts off with, the better she relates to men throughout her life.

(But of course, even if she has a low level, she can build it up from scratch. She just needs a good teacher for that. This is where a good mother comes in. But failing that, there are many other sources for this 'education').

In every woman's life, there comes a maturity point that makes her 'ready' to take on the role of wife and mother. This includes being able to look at a man and see a king.
But what if there is already a king in her life and she just can't get past the first king to move on to the second and hopefully final king?
What if Daddy is turning her into a reluctant bride for her future husband?

Similar to the Oedipus complex, women have a slightly different version called the Electra complex where she competes with Mother for the affections of Daddy. Women without a father are at a distinct disadvantage early in life for they do not get a chance to play this game. It is an important step in psychosexual development. However, like every 'lack' in life, it can be compensated for, but it takes self-effacement and hard work.

Just as in the Oedipus complex where a boy finally matures when he stops seeing Mother as the only woman on Earth by becoming a man in his own right, part of a woman's maturity lies in the eventual recognition that Father belongs to another woman, Mother. She must stop idolising him and go find her own man.
In rare cases (and I really do hope this is rare), this step never takes place. A woman is left forever comparing every potential suitor to Daddy, and thus sabotaging her own launch into womanhood. Daddy may compound the problem by aiding and abeting his daughter in this.
Not good. It will always end badly for daughter.

Dr. Kevin Lehman in his book 'What a difference Daddy makes' touches on this subject. He should know. He is father to five daughters.

The good news, I believe, is that a woman like this is in a far better position than one raised in a matriarchy where men are absent or just not respected/respectable.
This woman only needs one thing and she is sorted.
All she needs is a super alpha to topple Dad off the pedestal she has built for him. That's it. Problem solved.
1. Does such a man exist? And
2. If he does, can he be bothered to scale the dizzy heights of alphadom just for a woman? Especially in today's SMP?

*rubs chin*

In the film 'Hitch', Kevin James' character only got the girl (if ever there was a Daddy's princess, this is it :-) when he pulls a super alpha performance in front of her amidst the many 'yes men' she was accustomed to. She only noticed him when he showed his alpha side (coached by Hitch, of course).

Daddy's little princess can be a right narcissist. But as I have explained above, this type of female narcissism is much less a worry for men than that created by a matriachy. Because for all her sins, a Daddy's princess has a baseline love of men (albeit 'bought' or 'bribed' - but as a man, you don't care. You shouldn't care. Better 'bought' but nonetheless present than absent :-)

It is also my opinion that in relation to a Mama's boy, a Daddy's little princess is in a far better position.
Because a woman does not really need to be as independent as a man needs to be, in order to have a successful relationship/marriage. Nowadays many women are independent, sure. But they don't have to be. Generations of women made the transition from 'daughter' to 'wife' without an interim 'independent gal' stage. It worked out just fine in most cases. In fact, close ties to the parents (his and hers) were necessary in order that family links could be maintained between the generations. And of course, the woman was the traditional care-giver for the old folk, his and hers.

In related news, there is a new kid on the block, so to speak, on Reality TV. I have no idea how I get to find myself reading this stuff. But it seems these people get shoved under our noses whether we like it or not. So I am afraid I am inflicting her on you... sorry...I am 'passing it forward' :-)

The new kid on the block comes from 'The Shahs of Sunset'. Some Kim Kardashian wannabe.
Rich Daddy's girl.

This one might actually prove me wrong that Daddy's girls are less narcissistic than women brought up in a matriarchy ala Kim K. I might have to watch this space :-)

Gentlemen, please don't overspoil your daughters. You will make them ultimately unhappy and you will deny the next generation of men of good wives.


Anonymous said...

@ ST

Another interesting set of observations.

I wish I could offer better insight from my own observations and experience. Unfortunately, I'm dealing with an outlier.

When I married Wife #3, she was 32 and i was 48. She had two daughters. One was 11, the other 5. She'd been a single mom by choice.

Both of the girls idolized Mom. They wanted to be her. And as our family unit stabilized, Mom began to regress. Freed of the pressure of supporting her two daughters, Wife #3 began to revert to being a rebellious adolescent. In some ways, she seemed to be competing with her oldest daughter to see who could misbehave more.

Now, the oldest daughter is about to turn 18. She's been kicked out of multiple public and private schools. She is functionally illiterate, with an SAT reading score in percentile 2. She has two misdemeanor convictions and is pending charges on a third.

She's been pregnant once and supposedly miscarried. I think she got a "morning after pill" abortion.

A psychologist I sent her to a few months ago said, "She's a sociopath. Nothing I can do for her."

She is a disaster waiting for some poor Beta to fall into her clutches.


Spacetraveller said...

@ Bill,

Oh dear Lord, I am sorry to hear this.

I don't know what to say.
Just a thought, though (and I am sorry for applying general principles to a specific case). Your step-daughter from what you say, might well be dealing with the problems of a functional matriarchy if when you took over the reins so to speak she was already 11?
I do hope (and pray) that things can turn around for her.
She is still very young, so there is hope...

dannyfrom504 said...

one of the key thing to raising a daughter is based on basic game. raising a girl you have to do 2 things....

tease her and follow up with minor compliments.

the teasing keeps her ego in check and keeps her humble. teasing is universal. hell even a 4 year old girl shit tests.

Spacetraveller said...

Hahaha Danny,

I concur with the fitness testing thing. Girls start that at a very young age it seems and never quite stop. It seems to be a 'cradle to grave' thing :-)
We just find new men to do it to after we graduate from Father/brother/uncle :-)
Some do it more than others, but we all do it!
Daddies and uncles can help by doing things right, and not failing every single one of our fitness tests...
Good practice for what lies ahead for daughter/niece.
I think as Game gains widespread popularity among men, if a woman has never been 'Gamed' growing up, she is in for a shock out in the real world. Better to be prepared...
As they say, practice makes perfect :-)

Anonymous said...

@ Danny,


That got short-circuited really early in the marriage.

Mom was the product of her own mother's extramarital affair. She felt excluded from and mistreated by her own family. So she treated the older daughter like her best friend. Any teasing by me was met with fierce defense by Mom. Picture a little neg-ing in a group setting being met by her BFF throwing up the "b!tch-shield".

Hence the Entitlement Princess on steroids.

I have told her mother that her daughter (now my adopted daughter) is unlikely to live to 25. Someone is going to tire of her EP attitude and insistence upon having te last word and beat her to a pulp. Or feed her a bullet.

One reason I'm pulling the Eject handle on this marriage is that I am unwilling to keep cleaning up this girl's messes.


dannyfrom504 said...

i've posted about my 6 yo neice ST'ing me, and how i drill her everytime.

game/red-pill philosophy is a HUGE hit with younger women. some of the older women +35 do not like red-pill/game. they disagree with it.

the girls at my local strip club (all early 20) and they agree 100% and beta-shame the other male clients.

that's about as much as i'll admit on this subject here.

Spacetraveller said...


"i've posted about my 6 yo neice ST'ing me, and how i drill her everytime."

Unfortunate use of my initials!