Wednesday, April 15, 2015

To whom does she belong?

A belated Happy Easter to all.

I wish I could say I was absent from the blog because I wanted to concentrate on Lent, bla bla bla.

But that wouldn't be true. In fact I could say that unusually for me this year, my spiritual approach to Lent was far from ideal. But, and I think my Guardian angel must have had something to do with this (thank you, Guardian Angel!) it was a Grace-filled end to the Lenten season for me.

Isn't it interesting that when we need it the most, we get Grace?

Speaking of Guardian angels, I was at a wedding recently, and the celebrant priest made this joke:

A man was walking through his neighbourhood when he came to a bridge over a river. Suddenly, a voice said to him: 'Stop! Don't step onto the bridge!' He looked around - no-one was there. But he stopped.  All of a sudden, the bridge collapsed. He breathed a sigh of relief as he realised his life had just been saved.
He carried on walking. When he got to the foot of a mountain still with snow on it, again a voice said to him, 'Stop! Don't take another step!' He stood still. Then a mighty avalanche came crashing down just ahead of him. Again he breathed a sigh of relief as he realised that once again, his life had been saved. He carried on walking through the woods. Again the voice warned him just as he was walking under a particular tree. Seconds later, the tree fell down missing him by inches.

At this point, he wondered who was talking to him and saving his life. He said out loud, 'who are you? Identify yourself!'

The voice replied, 'I am your Guardian angel. I am always here for you.'

The man replied, 'You are my Guardian angel? Always here for me? Where were you when I got married?'

Very drole :-)

Not quite sure why men feel that marriage/relationship is such a  trial for them only. Where did they get that idea?

Just heard this morning that Percy Sledge died. May he rest in peace.

Percy Sledge is of course famous for this song - all about how men suffer when in love:

Aw, poor Darlings/lovable rogues :-)

Today's post is about a curious phenomenon I have been thinking about for a while. The impetus for this come from two separate incidents. The first is a commenter on another blog who linked to a Heartiste post about a black man (this is relevant) who when confronted and indeed inappropriately and unjustifiably assaulted by a woman (she happened to be white - not relevant), exclaimed, 'Who bitch dis is?!'

Translation into normal English: Whose woman is this?

Now, for many modern women, this display of 'territorialism' may be unpalatable, but I have to say that I am very familiar with this phenomenon - more than is usual for a woman of my era and location.

The notion that every woman belongs to a man is something I have been immersed in from childhood, and I very much took it for granted. But I am surprised to learn that it is not necessarily a positive concept in our western culture.

This is undoubtedly a problem when it comes to male-female interaction.

It is significant that the man in question in this scenario is black. I have many links to West Africa, and I know that this is very much the mindset there. Actually, this is the mindset any where in the world other than Caucasian America. Even in Europe - especially in Europe.

A girl belongs to her father until she marries, at which point she belongs to her husband.

But in our present culture where a father is not around/has been removed from the household, this sense of belonging is not imprinted in a girl's mind from birth. What a shame!
For she will seek this, by hook or by crook, in much the same way some boys seek a father-figure through gang culture.

All sorts of psychological complications ensue when a girl does not get her fair share of this 'sense of belonging', I have discovered. This leads to potential mayhem in her life. Not only is this sequence of events well documented, but also more and more of us are witnessing this in front of our very eyes, are we not?

And yet, Africans and other 'backward people', including southern Europeans have had this covered, for literally ages.

I have seen this play out in hilarious encounters when I have witnessed old African women try to work out who a stranger female is by linking her to some man that they themselves know. This is how they compute that this stranger female is 'welcome' into the herd. :-)

I live in the mountains of Eastern Switzerland. Where I live is a mainly German-speaking area, but there are many old Italian mountain families here too.

Their customs are delightful to behold, especially when seen 'in the wild', untainted by feminism. It is wonderful to see.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine when we bumped into an old lady she knows from her village in another mountainous region of Switzerland which is exclusively Italian-speaking. The old lady was curious about me, as I am relatively newly-established here.

She regarded my friend with a curious look, and regarding me sideways, she asked my friend who I was.
My friend answered with my first name, stating I was a friend.

The old lady was far from satisfied with the answer my friend had given. In a move reminiscent of similarly aged women in any african country, she asked the heavily-loaded question:
To whom does she belong?
Meaning, to which man does she belong? My first name on its own was meaningless to this woman.

I silently stood there as my friend gave the necessary genealogy to finally satisfy this old lady. In a hilarious five minutes where I felt like I was in a court for some wrong-doing, my friend first tried giving my surname.
Nope, this woman did not know the particular family to which I belonged, although she knew several other families with the same surname, which happens to be a common surname round here.

She didn't know my husband, although she came from his village.

With the skills of someone used to this sort of interrogation, my friend name-dropped my brother-in-law , who is a generally well-known figure.

Nope, didn't know him either.

My chances of acceptance into the 'clan' were looking bleak.

My friend, in an expert move normally associated with Russian chess players, finally made the link that gave the winning strike.

It turns out that Old Lady was friends with the wife of the brother of the wife of  the brother of my husband.

Hallelujah, I was IN!!!
It took many links to finally 'place' me, but finally, I was IN!!!

Now she had a 'box' in her mind in which to categorise me. I was now officially 'recognised'.

It was an interesting experience for me, in that I felt like I had come through some sort of 'initiation' ceremony.
I (I regret this, lol) relayed this story to a friend, who doesn't hold the rigidly traditional values I hold, and she was absolutely horrified.

I did not and do not understand her horror. She saw this incident as 'oppression' for me (for had I been a man, I wouldn't have been scrutinised so much. My surname would have been enough, for a man is valued on his own name only), but I disagree with her.

What my friend fails to realise is that a man must make his name (read: reputation) on which he and his family rely, to advance in society. A woman need only associate herself with a good family, and she is safe. Her own reputation is judged differently, and in a traditional society like this, a woman is mainly judged on her sexual reputation.
If 'so-and-so' was caught in a compromising position with a man to whom she was not married, the gossip alone would drive her out of town and three generations later, they would still be talking about her - that sort of thing.

The relevance of all this for me, is that fatherhood (and therefore this 'sense of belonging' felt by young unmarried women) is indeed sacred. And the relevance specifically to the SMP is that indeed it is impossible to 'belong' to a husband when one never experienced the 'belonging' to a father. The latter is 'practice' for the former.
In many such traditional entities, it is said that a father is the source of the soul of his child, and the mother is the source of the heart.

A fatherless child is therefore akin to a soul-less person.

Harsh? Oh yes. Which is why deliberately denying fatherhood to a child, by his own mother is indeed a cruel thing. A man who also denies his child access to his mother is also creating a child who is missing his heart. That can't be good either.

It is also why I think in these same traditional societies, the 'taking on of the name of the father' (in the event of a child's parents not being married) is so important. It is a great insult to the child if his father does not give him his name in many african cultures, for example.

Similarly, the taking on of the name of a husband is fundamental to marriage, in my opinion. This is why I am dead against wives not taking on their husband's surname. It screams 'division' as opposed to 'harmony' from the get-go and is a signal this will not be a fulfilled/constructive union. It also signifies an absence of 'belonging'. In the example above with the old lady, my maiden name would have been just as useless to Old Lady as my first name. A woman's maiden name is no longer relevant, except in rare circumstances where it needs to be 'dug' out for a specific purpose, eg. a paternal legacy that wasn't dealt with pre-marriage.

What an eye-opening experience for me. Old Lady taught me a big lesson which I think is getting lost more and more in our modern culture. A shame, because it is quite a beautiful lesson.
I think those who adhere to these general principles are more 'settled' in their skins than those who choose to reinvent the wheel at every opportunity.

I have said many times before. I am not fussy from whence cometh my lessons. 'To whom does she belong?' is so much more refined than 'Who bitch dis is?' but to me, the lesson is more important than the grammar.

Interesting that shortly after I came across that blog post by Heartiste, I actually came face -to-face with the phenomenon he described. Art imitating life, or the other way round. :-)
Interesting indeed.


Anonymous said...

Strike a light, ST, this is one of your best yet - and that's saying something.

"But in our present culture where a father is not around/has been removed from the household, this sense of belonging is not imprinted in a girl's mind from birth. What a shame!
For she will seek this, by hook or by crook, in much the same way some boys seek a father-figure through gang culture."

I've seen this again and again. Women are attracted to a man in whom they sense a strong, firm, stable family background and father figure. I've had them tell me as much.

I'm a bit rushed at the moment, but I'd like to come back to this. I also have some news regarding M

See you later


Ceer said...

@ ST
You claim to not understand your friends horror, then go on to describe the reasons for it pretty well. That sort of understanding can help bridge the cultural divide. Its important to note that your friends horror shows that her worldview isn't trying for understanding, its trying for dominance.

You know...a girl said something very similar to me just this week.

Anonymous said...

Should you learn game?

If your objective in learning game is more interaction with women, you need to learn up on or at least think hard about:
1. Are western women worth the effort?
2. Is it worth the risk?

It's impossible to overstate the importance of those questions. If you are absolutely sure you have absorbed enough information to fully understand these questions, and you still want to proceed, then yeah go ahead and learn game.

If your objective in learning game is to take a "forewarned is forearmed" approach, or to increase your knowledge about the opposite sex (as ST puts it) then yeah go ahead and learn game.

How you learn game is a different matter. I don't like idea of men paying for a course that might turn out to be useless. I'm of no help in this regard. I've never looked at the courses and probably never will.

I do disagree with Ceer re MGTOW. I believe the reason men GTOW is not to threaten or punish women but to avoid the ever-increasing risk of associating with women. In my own experience of watching men I Ioved get destroyed by women, the risk encompasses death itself. No thing, no person, is worth that risk. It's inhumane to expect it of men, actually. Nor is MGTOW "a philosophy based on the advancement of one gender." It is more a matter of deciding upon a lifestyle designed to avoid a threat that could wreck or end their lives.

Otherwise, Ceer, I value your thoughts and thank you for them.

With help from ST and Ceer I've learned that I have "natural game". I have disobeyed my own MGHOW rules and interacted with women in the SMP to learn why they are interested in me. Thanks ST for arousing my curiosity about this. Before that I had never given it a second thought. I'd like to write down a summary of what I've learned as a way of giving something back to this blog in (partial) consideration for the value it has given me. Heaven knows, it might be so boring as to drive away your visitors and bring the death knell to your blog, ST.

It will include the fact that women are attracted to a man in whom they sense a strong, firm, stable family background and father figure, especially since Ceer has noticed the same thing.

Do you remember "M"? She is now back in my life. "M" is a charming, stunning virgin who has kept herself for me because, she says, I'm the only man she will ever want or love. After I rejected her she vanished completely and has now come back wiser and more alluring than ever. M is a class act. As usual, a lot is happening in the life of Glissando.

Peace unto you ST, and unto you too brother Metak should you still be at large in these portals. I miss you bro.


M said...

After much thought and hesitation I leave this comment here. I am she whom Glissando describes.

Is it "impossible to 'belong' to a husband when one never experienced the 'belonging' to a father"?

I could not love with my heart *and soul* had I not known my dad. He has been the wall of my envelope against which I have pushed many times. He is the unyielding logic and reason beyond which I learned not to go. Without the influence of my wonderful father I could not have learned to fully and completely love and respect my life... and others. I am the "M" who loves a man with all her heart and soul.

Love, "M" :)

Ceer said...

Glissando, How are you planning to post your experiences, as a guest post or a comment within one of ST's posts?

Anonymous said...

Hello Space traveller. I recently run into one of your posts from 2012 and was intreeged, for a while now i felt like our society has went astray, now posting on a comment 3 years old is rather pointless but it fits just as well here, you say women have a need to belong.

I think you may be on to something, tough the part of me that was raised in feminist culture is rebelling violently even as i type this i think the most important thing to remember is that men and women are not the same, so often in our life we tend to judge others actions as right and wrong based on our own position, and yet when it comes to men and women nothing can be further from the truth. For example i personally, as a man can't imagine why anybody would be attracted to another man, i don't find a male figure the least bit attractive, this, in my oppinion is a good thing because it means i am not gay, still i know that women do find men attractive.

Also we tend to, when we are trying to attract the opposite sex, emulate those characteristics that we ourselves find attractive, leading to so many men acting feminine and meak and so many women acting assertive and manly. What we forget in this dealings is again that, no matter what feminism wants you to believe, men and women are not the same.

I have heard from the manosphere circles about the idea of disposable male, i agree that males were, all trough history been treated as disposable when it comes to the choice between them and women and/or children. And yet i know from my own feelings that men are in fact ok with that, dieing ro protect your loved ones is the most noble death any man can have and, as long as it is recognized as such, i don't think any man who died protecting his wife/children has died unfulfiled. We all seek to fulfill our purposse, wether we realize it or not, fulfiling our purposse is what makes us happy in our life, it may be shallow and animalistic but it's the truth. In this day and age however so many young people are confused about their purposse, the "meaning of life" is something each of us wondered about at least once.

The popularity of such books as Twilight and 50 shades of grey among female population just goes to show how starved women are for real, dominant, asertive male leader, i personally despise both books as i believe they present twisted, perverted version of the real thing but there popularity is very telling.

I also kinda simpathise with the view original feminists had on this topic, it puts so much power in men that they can easily abuse it, yet again we did have systems in place to prevent that, the ideas of chivalry, honor and responsibility that men had drummed into themfrom childhood, and that feminists thoroughly dismantled. I would even dare to say that much of the problems today's women face like battery, rape and sexual harrasment are the result of dismantling of this very vital safety net.

So the core of the problem is, the certain group of women, most likely the oddballs, women with more male traits, who did not feel statied with the common life of a woman decided they wanted more. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but as always they made a mistake of thinking that all women shared their experience, in their mind the world was full of supessed and opressed women and it was there duty to liberate those women, this is a mindset they still enforce to this day, if any woman wants to choose a life under male leadership she is weak, brainwashed and needs to be saved, by any means necesarry. In eaasence they treat women that do not share their ideals as children.

But we all instinctively know how we want to live, only years of mainstream reproraming has made us the way we are.

Thank you for your time, i know this was a wall of text but i find it hard to express my thoughts in any way that does not seem like rambling.

dannyfrom504 said...

Wanted to email you but have the address. Brody died, Dec 2. I put him down.