She makes my heart sing

Ah, don't you just love consumerism :-)
With Christmas coming up, this beast rears its ugly head once again :-)

From the first day I saw the following advert, an unfortunate association occurred...

Now I cannot hear this musical…

or a documentary like this...

without thinking about...chocolate!


Ticked off as I am that I have encumbered myself with a Pavlovian response that I cannot seem to stave off other than to not book an African safari anytime soon, it begs the question: just how do they do it? (The 'programming', I mean).
Or is this something that one does to oneself, aided and abetted by the materialistic society we live in?
How does one wean oneself off from such unwholesome 'conditioning' whilst simultaneously living in the West?

Weird associations aside, the silver lining is that it is from this same advert that I acquired a favourite catchphrase of mine.
Whenever something pleases me immensely, I express this with the phrase 'it makes my heart sing'.


I found a reason for my heart to sing recently.
A reason to have hope in the current SMP.


All is not lost.
At least not yet.

I have mentioned before that I do find gems in unusual places. This is no exception.

I came across a new blog recently. It is not the blog per se which interests me (although it is interesting for sure!) but a particular video I saw on that blog.

The blog is called 'Goldmund Unleashed', and is run by an American man who practises Game - a lot.
Goldmund is a man who is clearly confident in himself and is successful in the SMP.

I am happy for Goldmund, of course.

But it is not Goldmund I am interested in, for this post. In his latest post, he interviews a woman who used to be his room-mate. He and this woman clearly have a beautiful friendship and he describes her as 'family' in the post.
The warmth between them does come across very well in the interview (which spans two short videos - here).

Why would this woman 'make my heart sing'?

Several reasons:

1) She is clearly a very smart woman. By this, I mean that she is a sensible woman. This woman is the very embodiment of what every young woman should be, in my humble opinion. She thinks deeply, and has a very clear insight into a lot of issues which matter. Frighteningly for Goldmund (and I think this is - paradoxically - one of the reasons he may be fond of her), she has a great deal of insight into him.


2) She is a pleasant woman. Sweet, but not soppily so. It occurs to me now watching the video how rare this feature is becoming, so it really warms the cockles of my heart whe I see this in action.
Even though she is (unsurprisingly!) 'disgusted' with his private life, she is still pleasant about it, because a) she recognises that it is his life and not hers, and he is free to live his life as he so chooses, and b) I think she also accept that men are wired differently, so she refuses to judge him even though his lifestyle is not what she would choose for herself. I really like this 'live and let live' attitude she adopts towards him. She is not a prude, but that does not mean that she 'high-fives' him about his lifestyle, falsely. She is refreshingly honest, but within boundaries that respect his autonomy for his own life. I like that very much, and I can see that he respects her for it.


3) I already touched on this. But it should be repeated.
Whilst she is 'nice' she is also 'not too nice'.


'Niceness' is a bit of a two-edged sword, for both men and women. It is a good thing, until it is not. I think you all know what I mean. This woman is nice, which is why Goldmund likes her. But she is (brutally) honest as well. She is not a supplicating, 'pleaser'. Very important quality in a woman.


One might argue that she does not need to be nice to Goldmund, because she is not romantically linked to Goldmund.
Fair point.
But traits are traits. In the end, we treat everyone the same whether or not we are trying to impress them, because old habits die hard, as they say. It is therefore almost certain that she is just as honest with her boyfriend (or husband?) as she is being with Goldmund here.


4) Her mannerisms are very feminine.  She is a naturally pretty woman (if she is wearing make-up, it is light and not 'heavy' in a way that I see all too commonly) and her 'inner beauty' shines through to the outside. She smiles a lot, and she engages well with Goldmund to whom she is speaking. She may not be necessarily a 'people person' (is this shorthand for 'extrovert?) but she has this je ne sais quoi quality which makes people feel welcome in her presence. I know that introverts seek this quality in anyone they approach, and extroverts thrive on it :-)
She could talk to anyone, this woman. I wonder if she is a teacher? Teachers often has this quality in abundance...


5) I like how this woman is free of what I have now come  to recognise as 'low-level misandry'. Bellita and I discuss this 'man-hate' a lot, particularly in this post.
This woman cares about Goldmund in a way that is unusual for non-siblings/non-romantically-involved. This point is perhaps related to point 2 above, but only marginally, I think. She is genuinely happy for him that he seems to have 'found himself' in the time-period that she has known him.
This is gold - for Goldmund (excuse the pun, lol).
So many women are poisoned with 'man-hate' from the crib onwards that this genuine type of friendship - let alone love - is really not possible between the sexes anymore. Tragic.


So Goldmund's ex-room-mate makes my heart sing for her genuine love for another human being, who happens to be male.
This reminds me of a phrase in italian. 'Ti voglio bene' which literally means 'I wish you well' is one way to say 'I love you'. Isn't that beautiful? This takes me back to a previous post on this blog, about love, in particular the 'caritas' kind. Love, or caritas, requires a certain generosity of spirit, which I can see this woman possesses in abundance.
By implication, I can bet with certainty that she has a genuine love for women too. The clue for this, I pick up when she mentions that she feels sorry for one of the women Goldmund had a fling with (?one night stand?).


And here I take a short diversion and vent my frustration at those people (aherm, looking squarely at feminists, cough cough) who fling the word 'misogyny' about like a frisbee.


Misogyny is a word that has come to mean anything and everything these days.
But what it is not, is denying women their 'empowerment'.
It is not taking away their 'freedom'.
It is most certainly not thwarting their desire for 'adventure'.


If all of the above desires leads to her (self-) destruction, and someone has enough love for a woman to divert her from said path to doom, let us not call this 'pulled back from the brink manoeuvre' - misogyny.


There is such a thing as misogyny. Oh yes. But it is presented as a 'friend' of womanhood, until it becomes all too clear it is not.
I do not want to detract too much from the positive tone of this post, but I have definite ideas about what misogyny is and isn't.
Perhaps a post for another day?


Our mystery woman, in feeling sorry for women who don't know what's in their own best interests, is showing compassion. That is philogyny right there.


6) She is clearly not American. There is a hint of 'foreign' in her diction. The relevance of this point is that I hear so many men lament the 'fall from Grace' of the American woman. This is a shame, of course. And a double-shame for me because I would love nothing better than to debunk this ubiquitous observation. But alas, not with this example.
So my search continues...
:-)
Is this woman a 'unicorn' of sorts?


I would argue...not.
I think there are many women like this who are normal, feminine women. But they live normal, quiet lives. They are not all in a video on a blog. They are not 'out there', so it seems like they do not exist.


How lovely when they are recognised for who they are by friends (like Goldmund), spouses, family members.


I think we should 'name and praise' these exemplary women when we see them (as in, opposite to 'naming and shaming' the bad ones, lol) for 2 important reasons:
1) That these lovely ladies are encouraged to continue their exemplary behaviour for which they are being commended.
2) That other ladies take note (we ladies are 'herd' creatures, lol).
3) That observers are reminded that these women still exist. Keeps hope alive, you see.
:-)


Whoever this lovely lady is, can I just say to you - well done for your wonderful demeanour. Props to you, more grease to your elbow and long may you continue!

Woman logic

The gentlemen who visit this blog have often declared that we women are not logical.
I happen to agree :-)

But I often find logic in funny places. Even (gasp) in women!
:-)

I know - my hamster thought it was 'logic'.
But at best, it was woman logic, which is not really logic as we know it...but some other beast dressed up as logic if you only saw it with the eye of faith.
Yes, I know.

Speaking of hamsters,
I was in the store the other day, trying to buy Deti's hamsterlator gadget. Delighted to spot that it contained the word 'Space', I thought I was entitled to some sort of discount...but the retailers would not hear of it. In response to my protestations, I was thrown out of the store by the burly security guards. Bruised and brazed, I tried to appeal  to the store manager...

My imagination is getting as bad as LFOD's in the last post...
But not in the same way, thankfully...

Dirty boys aside, I would like to examine 'woman logic'.

I have this disease, and I would like treatment, if not a cure :-)

It's time to poke fun at myself and my sisters.
We are big girls, we can take it.

If you gentlemen can find examples of how illogical women are to you, in your daily encounters with them, please log them here. I would be delighted to hear them. Indeed, I would be pleased if you can find examples of 'woman logic' on this very blog!
Honest, I would be happy to laugh at my 'woman logic' provided you yourself are more logical than me :-)

And, it would give us ladies a chance to see where we are going 'wrong'.

I get teased almost daily for my lack of logic in real life. Always by the same people :-) Sometimes, it is well deserved.  But there are times when I am genuinely surprised that I am deemed illogical.

But perhaps, it is a question of ignorance? Perhaps the examples you men provide will help me to see the light a little better?



I am going to take a slight detour...

I saw (for the first time ever!) the film 'The Nun's story' starring Audrey Hepburn.
I was awed by this film. Has anyone seen it?

The funniest part to me was this conversation between Sister Luke (Gabrielle van der Mal) and a native man in the Belgian Congo when she arrives as a young nun and nurse in the Belgian Congo in 1930 with a group of older nuns.

Man: So where are your husbands, you White Women?
Sr. Luke: What do you mean?
Man: You must have husbands, don't you?
Sr. Luke: Did you ask (Mother Superior) this question?
Man: Yes.
Sr. Luke: And what did she say?
Man: She said you are all married to the same man. But I don't believe her. It is wrong for a man to have many wives. You White people keep telling us that. I can understand the others not having a husband, but you, you are young and beautiful. You must have a husband!
Sr. Luke (smiling): Actually, I do have a husband. But he is in heaven.
Man: Oh, I am so sorry, Sister Luke. I am so sorry for your loss.

Hahahahahahahaha!

That alpha dude, Jesus. He has a lot to answer for :-)

The native man was being perfectly logical, no?
But Christianity is not particularly a logical religion in the cold light of day...

But still, we love it, don't we...
:-)

The nun's story is a very sad film. When in the very last scene, she is disrobing, taking off her 'wedding' ring, getting back into her old clothes, it must have felt like a divorce.
A catholic woman (a nun, no less! a bride of Christ!) divorcing that alpha dude, Jesus!
No cure for hypergamy.



The particular woman logic I want to examine briefly is this woman's logic.

On the surface of it, she is seriously dumb.

But I beg to differ.

This kind of 'brake' on someone's actions is exactly what we need in our modern world. Especially for women.
If we stop to think, just for one minute, that certain actions are permanent, much like death, we would be better off.

Too many of us do things because they feel good at the time. We don't stop to think about the long-term consequences. It doesn't matter how far in the process we have gone. Something, must be in place to take us back.

That something could be shame.
It could be fear of getting caught.
It could be our own innate self-discipline.
It could be the effort it takes to go through with it.
It could be the financial cost it takes to go through with it.
It could be 'fear of the unknown'.

Too many modern women are egged on with bravado to go through with something that could be disastrous. Like divorce. Like taking a man away from his children.

This woman used her 'woman logic', dumb as it may seem to many of us, to say to herself: Oh my God, this is forever. I must stop. And who are these people who encouraged me to go through with this when they knew it would kill my marriage forever? They must be stopped...

I accused 'Anonymous' in the last post of being rather rigid, when it comes to women and hugs.
Perhaps I (kettle) am guilty of calling pot black.

I am either deeply respectful of great women (Augustina who inspired the caritas post), or I am deeply turned off by others (JLB3's example in the same post).
No neutral for me :-)

This woman ticks the 'respect to you' box. Despite seeming incredibly stupid. I'll take stupid if she keeps her vows.

Deti's hamsterlator would find a different interpretation for this woman's thought processes. But I shall stick to my version for now. Unless someone logically knocks me off my high horse.
:-)

Basically, what I am saying is, not all 'woman's logic' is like that :-)
Anyone even hesitantly agree?

Or is my own 'woman logic' getting in the way?

Let's pick at 'women's logic' and see where it takes us.
Perhaps a lot of you men have a problem with how women think. Perhaps we women don't 'get' you, which is why we seem to do strange and illogical stuff.
Here's a chance to clear the air...

This Caritas business, what it mean?

Happy New Year, everyone!

At Mass today, I was reminded that today is the feast of the Epiphany.
The priest said 'epiphany' means  a 'reveal' or a 'disclosure' and then launched into a long-winded explanation as to the relevance of this to the time around Jesus' birth when he was visited by the Three Wise men.

He lost me shortly after the gold, frankincense and myrrh bit...

Anyhow, I realise that I got me Three Wise men from the East on this very blog!

Yes I do!

Let's see...
I got me John Lord B3 from the East (of the world).
I got me Metak from the East (of Europe).

Um...who else?

If you are a man, and you live in the east of the world, or the east of your continent, or the east of your city, or the east of your street, or your bedroom in your house faces east, let me know and you will get the third 'Wise man' slot - no questions asked.

Hahahahahha!

One of our resident magi sent me this in the last post: This is an excerpt from another wise man commenting on a wise woman's actions.


"..So much in Augustina’s moving post.

Not many people can see the distinction between the types different types of love; conflating, love, lust and affection, yet the problem of love is at the core of our modern malaise.

Clearly, Augustina’s husband did not give her the “tingles” and yet she’s stuck with him through thick and thin, and despite his obvious faults. Indeed, his lack of alpha qualities put a strain on their marriage. Rollo? It wasn’t self interest there, it was concern for her husband.

A point of theological reflection. Does a husband’s failure to cultivate alpha qualities (executive function) put the marriage in danger of divorce? For a different post perhaps?

Secondly, the type of love that Augustina expressed for her husband is not the stuff that you can get from Game. That love, which goes by the theological name of Caritas, is something a person gives, independently of the quality of the other. It’s a supernatural gift from God. In looking for a wife, I’d advise my boys to look for a girl who posses this quality pretty much above all else. Sluts, hot sex and “wuv” come and go, but Caritas stays. Caritas loves you when you are unlovable and gameless.

Rollo Says that a woman can never love a man like he would want her to, but Augustina’s example(and lots of other women I know) proves him wrong. The love/caritas of a good woman is one of God’s gits to man. My wife does not give me everything I want, but it’s not because she doesn’t want to, it’s because she knows that its the wrong thing for me. It’s taken me many years to realise this and that’s why she’s a keeper. She’s looking after me.

That’s the paradox of a happy Christian marriage. The Christian wife, in order to be happy, has to know that her husband has real options but won’t exercise that ability because because her loves her. On the other hand, a good Christian wife can be miserable in a marriage yet still stick to her husband because she possesses Caritas.

God’s peace, Augustina.."

Further down that thread, someone else did what I love to do, which is to do a little philological research on the word 'Caritas'. This definitely brought out my geeky side :-)

I tried this in previous threads when I dissected the roots of the words 'mercy' and 'pity', and 'privacy' and 'intimacy'.
Bellita once alerted me to the relationship between 'curriculum' and the italian verb 'correre' (to run), as in 'curriculum vitae' being a 'run-through' of one's life.

My nerdy side is preparing to go to town on this one :-)

As the commenter downthread explained, 'Caritas' is etymologically related to the word 'charity', and also to the word 'care'.

But what does 'Caritas' mean in English, as related to the SMP?

True love?
Tough love?
Tingles?
Titillation?

Dunno.

There is a word I am familiar with, in another language, which I suspect means something very similar to 'Caritas'. As far as I can tell, it encompasses compassion, affection, tenderness, empathy and love.

From a purely religious viewpoint, the Catholic one to be precise, 'where there is Caritas (i.e. charity) and love, there is God' as the Taizé hymn goes:

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est:

The commenter was talking specifically about the kind of 'Caritas' that a woman can give to her husband, or that a woman can give to a man who is 'unlovable and gameless'.
Men too can be 'Caritas' givers, of course.

Or is male love a different thing from 'Caritas'?
Why do I get this sneaky feeling that 'Caritas' is more a feminine type of love?
Is there a good basis for this 'feeling' of mine?

What does this Caritas look like?

Is this 'self-giving', even 'selfless' love? As opposed to 'selfish' love?
Can it even be described as 'love'?

Can it be induced by Game? Or is it completely independent of both Boy Game and Girl Game?
If you are a man, and there was a choice between a woman being attracted to you, would you rather that, than her giving you 'Caritas' as 'Augustina's love for her husband seems to be?


What does 'Caritas' really mean?

Other than the examples given above in 'Wise man's' comment, could anyone give me good descriptions of 'Caritas'?

The more practical, the better! The more anecdotal, the better!

Grazie!