Which is normal, I know. A thirty-something woman who wants to get married and who isn't, is going to be thinking marriage 24/7. That's a given.
I am no exception to this rule, of course :-)
But what I mean here is...more than usual (if that's possible).
I was at a wedding recently. That of a good friend. I have honestly never seen her so happy in the ten years I have known her. The groom was also unrecognisably jovial.
:-)
Both have just hit the 40 mark.
After ten years together, I know they know each other well by now.
And their happiness on their wedding day tells me they are embracng the future together come what may.
Happiness with abandon on your wedding day, is, to me the ultimate exercise in Outcome Independence.
:-)
Did I say ten years together? That was not exactly true.
She picked him up. At an airport no less. She saw him at 'Check in' and decided she would have him.
She went to him and said, "Would you go out with me?"
He looked like a deer in the headlights and said 'Uh, OK'.
Turns out he was in her kindergarten class.
And he had pulled her hair once, in the playground.
Gentlemen, whatever you do to a woman will always come back and bite you in the _______.
You pull a girl's hair when you are 5, and she will pull you to the altar when you are 35...
:P
Just teasing, fellas!
I digress. There followed ten years of highs and lows and many separations during which she almost married someone else.
The path of true love never runs smooth, does it?
But alas, my thoughts turn to another wedding I attended when I was a child. It was perhaps the very first wedding I remember going to.
Interestingly, the priest at this wedding was of the same nationality as my two recently hitched friends...
He said, and I paraphrase from memory:
"Marriage is two people leaning on each other."
As a child, I thought, 'how odd!'
But now I think I get it.
It's funny how 'getting it' takes such a long time. Is it to do with my 'slowness'?
To digress a little, a very good friend of mine sent me the following in an email when we were both in our twenties. It enraged and petrified me all at the same time. Precisely because it has a ring of truth to it :-)
And Grasshopper's comment in the last post reminded me of it:
"“…PVW also makes the point of the more sexually attractive women getting noticed by men more than the more marriageable women…”
In a sense I understand the disappointment women feel about this, I felt the same way when I realized women with bikini model looks were not going for me. I am a good marriageable man, shouldn’t that alone attract the best looking women? "
This is what you want:
This is what is looking for you:
This is what you think you look like:
This is what you actually look like:
Hahahahaha!
Anyhow, back to marriage.
I agree with the priest...
I do :-)
But...
I have never heard a woman use the words 'Lean on me' when talking to a man.
To a small child perhaps. I guess one can say that (telepathically) to a sleeping baby :-)
I realised recently, from speaking to a couple of men that I know, that there is something about a man which drives him to want to have others 'lean on him'.
That something is (mostly) missing in women where men are concerned.
Let's look at it another way.
In women, there is a need to 'lean' on someone. Preferably a man.
(This is why I know that all those single women who claim to be 'happy to be single' are not being completely truthful. But fair enough, I understand their reasons for doing it, and in may ways I cannot blame them).
This need to 'lean on someone' is (mostly) missing in men where women are concerned.
Now, having said all of the above, I do know of some women who are great at being leaned on by men. In fact, it is increasingly a feature of modern society.
I personally don't actually know many men who like to lean on women but I know they exist, of course.
A feature of women's love is therefore to 'lean on someone'.
It may look like a selfish kind of love to men, especially if this is not accompanied by her also 'bringing something to the table'...
So it really needs to be accompanied by something else she can bring to the table :-)
A feature of men's love is 'allowing someone to lean on them', no?
But for this to be done willingly by a man, he needs to know that a woman will...trust him to let her lean away, no?
I like this song.
But I think Bill Withers is talking to other men here. If he were talking to a woman, would he use these words?
I would be terrified if a man said to me: 'Soon I shall also need someone to lean on'.
This is the truth.
Women can 'protect' men in different ways from how men can protect women.
Men of course can 'lean' on women at certain times, in certain situations.
And both of these are 'legit'.
But the words 'protect' and 'lean' would not be the words that come to mind when I think about these ways that women can help men.
Hence my fear at the thought of hearing this from a man.
Would this be the equivalent of a woman asking a man to 'nurture' her, I wonder?
On the other hand, I would have no trouble trusting a man I am already attracted to, to protect me.
That feels more 'natural'. I can do that :-)
But what about men?
Can you trust a woman?
Really trust her?
I wonder if trust is a feminine quality...
Trusting completely in God, for instance.
Women are very aware of their weakness, at least their physical weakness.
Are we therefore in a better position to trust someone else, than a man, who is less likely to think of himself as 'weak' in any way?
Am I conflating issues?
If so, in what way?
One of the men I spoke to about 'trust issues' broke up with his girlfriend because he believed she did not trust him on an important issue to him.
Did her lack of trust equate lack of femininity to him?
If a woman is to respect a man, is the best way to do this to trust him?
I am beginning to suspect it is.
A male friend wanted to know just one thing from his girlfriend before he was 'sure' about her.
Did she trust him...
I never really knew all this until very recently.
It was a huge 'aha' moment for me.
Can the married ladies/ladies in LTR confirm this?
And the gentlemen? What say you about trust?
