During one of those leadership/management courses one gets dragged to even though they are totally irrelevant to one's job, a fellow course-goer was asked to describe me. He said this:
"She always looks like she is about to ask a question!"
To be fair to him, I did have a question in mind... "what am I doing on this course?"
My quizzical nature dictates that I get on perfectly well with two types of people in real life:
The patient types who will tolerate my constant search for answers, so basically, really old people...
And those who have already lost their sanity and therefore have a huge tolerance for humouring two-year olds going 'why' all day long...
As they say, curiosity killed the cat.
As I am thankfully non-feline with respect to my phenotype, and I am not yet dead, my curiosity persists.
My favourite question is indeed 'why'.
Whenever I receive advice, especially unsolicited advice, I like to analyse why I was given that advice.
This comment by The Navy Corpsman made me smile, because it describes my attitude to advice to a tee:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to run screaming from people who give free advice."
Like many people today, I grew up with 'Blue Pill' advice.
Nowadays though, Blue Pill advice makes me see red.
In general, I have found only three reasons why people dish out Blue Pill advice:
1. Ignorance
2. Sabotage
3. Misguided good faith
The specific reason in any given case depends very much on who is giving the advice, of course.
Below is some typical Blue Pill advice and my feelings towards them.
For women
1. "Don't even think about settling down until you are out of your twenties."
This is an extremely common one. Actually, I have mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, it sems totally illogical. Because there is such a thing as a biological clock for women.
On the other hand, many women will admit that they are just not ready for the huge responsibility marriage is, in their twenties.
I personally was a late developer. Which is a euphemism for 'slow'. Not an insult directed at self. Just an observation.
I have a lot of sympathy for both arguments. But on principle, I think it is wrong advice. Hence its appearance under 'Blue Pill advice'.
2. "You can have it all".
This one I have zero sympathy for. I think this one is the single most anger-provoking advice for young women today. Because it is patently false. And it is the reason feminism is dying a slow painful death, finally.
Because savvy young women are turning their backs on this particular lie. It was the last straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.
For men
1. "Be nice/be yourself".
Now, as the recipient of this advice myself, which I find appropriate for women, I honestly did not know that this was also advice being dished out to men.
But I was seeing the results of this advice. I just did not know what the problem was until I happened upon the Manosphere and discovered exactly why this was bad advice for men.
I have great sympahy for the male recipients of this advice. Partly because of who is most likely to give it. For many men, it is Mother, or an equivalent well-meaning female relative.
As women, we have come to expect sound advice from a trusted mother figure, especially the kind of woman I would call a 'Titus 2' woman. (An experienced, godly, wife and mother).
And, we expect equally sound advice from a father figure too, because a man knows other men best.
But somehow, it just does not seem to work out well when a mother tries to guide her son in the SMP. I really don't know why. Somehow, I have learned that a man can only really get good advice about the dating game from another man.
I find it hard to believe that a father would tell his son the above advice. But I am sure there are always exceptions to the rule. Surely this has to be a rare exception though!
Another reason this bit of advice is problematic is that, it is just incomplete.
Taken at face value, it is excellent advice. Because women actually do want 'nice'. But only in men they already find attractive, aka, 'alpha', whatever 'alpha' may mean to her.
In the interests of brevity, I shall stop here.
I am sure there is plenty more Blue Pill advice for both men and women I have left out...
Let me know if I have left out your favourite one, and please tell me the reason behind people dishing it out.
