I was thinking about the whole dating and courtship thing the other day.
I didn't come to any particularly useful conclusion, but I kind of got stuck a bit on the idea that it really is about the children.
The above is what I imagine parents might say to a newborn on first meeting them.
It's all about leaving behind our genetic mark.
Sure, we also want companionship, love, intimacy, etc.
But that's just the relish to get us to do Nature's bidding, no? :-)
And, at the risk of sounding like a typical Catholic prude (again :-), I can see why The Church is so unyielding on its teachings on sex and chastity.
For the cold hard truth is that those who partake of the relish without obliging Nature get indigestion.
And what's more, the gatekeeper of the relish is punished much more than the gatecrasher.
An ex-colleague of mine is now in her late forties. She has been pregnant three times in her life - all at very different stages in her life. Each time, she had an abortion. She is also 'catholic'. Which is why she was telling me all this, because she knew I was also catholic. I must say, I really like this woman. She is super nice and very good at her job too. Which is why I am sad at what follows:
She was lamenting the fact that she now can't have children.
For reasons of decorum, I really cannot go into the many reasons why I couldn't bring myself to sympathise with her. I really tried hard. But I could never 'get there'.
She is now living with a man 20 years her senior who has made it clear to her for the entire duration of their relationship that he doesn't want any more children, having completed his family with his ex-wife.
Bellita recently linked to an article about another woman who had had an abortion and was now living with the pain of it.
That woman, however could have elicited some compassion from me. She really could.
Except, further down the line she declared in her article that she would advise another woman to do what she did.
My hamster, which is normally primed to spin on behalf of any woman who merits even an iota of sympathy, just lay down and refused to move at this point.
My hamster went on strike. That doesn't happen very often.
Despite my strong views on abortion, I am however capable of sympathising. I know it is not an easy decision to make. Especially when one is young.
When I was 15, I returned home from school one day and met my neighbour's daughter (who was a few months younger than me) standing on her doorstep looking a bit 'lost'. I had never seen her like that before.
I approached her and asked if she was alright.
She looked at me and said, 'I just had an abortion'. Just like that.
She has never looked 'normal' to me ever since.
In her case, I totally sympathise. She was 14 years old.
How was she to know?
My strong views on abortion are somewhat selfish, yes.
They may be tied in with my christian beliefs and my own sense of human justice.
But...there is a reason I identify with Tim Tebow and St. Gianna Molla.
My own birth was fraught with difficulty, resulting in the death of my twin.
It was (sensible!) medical advice that we be aborted, for purely medical reasons.
So, with my history, I am somewhat unable to (not just unwilling to) agree with abortion for anything other than life-threatening conditions.
And even then...
Apparently Tim Tebow has a similar history to me.
And the daughter of St. Gianna Molla, who is now in her 60s still refers to her as 'my Saint Mama'!
It's all about the children, ultimately. I am not saying it is right. But it happens this way, yes.
What's more, whilst we don't get to choose our parents, we very much choose our children.
Um, most of the time.
'Accidental' pregnancies where the intended father is not quite the one based on reality are one exception.
Most of the time, we are subconciously choosing the qualities/traits of the next generation when we choose a mate, no?
My mother and all her sisters have one thing in common.
They are all very well-endowed :-)
Every single one of them.
Before I hit puberty, I assumed this was my future.
How wrong I was!
My father's sisters, on the other hand, are all tall, slim, model types, with no 'rack' to speak of between them. Even now, in their 60s and 70s, having nursed multiple babies, nothing's changed up top.
Women inherit their father's 'breasts'.
As a guide, look at his female relatives.
So guess who is unlucky in the 'rack' department?
I once dated a man who looked just like my father. Tall and thin.
His mother and sister looked just like my aunts (up top).
I commiserated with my future daughter.
But she won't make it into existence now.
When I met someone else, I was quick to check out the family. As he was orphaned and sisterless, I was out of luck with the 'assessment'.
However, a chance meeting with a (paternal) female cousin gave me all the 'evidence' I needed.
If I stick with this one, my daughter will be quite the man-magnet :-)
I shall definitely need to take Danny's advice and lock her up, for her 'epic rack'.
In general, men inherit their height from their mothers. With some exceptions, of course.
So my future son will not be short by any means, whoever his father is.
Men also inherit intelligence from their mothers.
Sorry, future son :-(
Walking around on a sunny day and people-watching, I noticed a child of six or seven.
I don't exaggerate when I say that my heart literally stopped beating for a second or two.
This child was half Asian. She was with Mum, so I know which parent is the Asian one.
It was a bit difficult to guess the ethnicity of father, though.
I suspect 'Caucasian' but the child was sufficiently dark-skinned that it wouldn't be unreasonable to guess 'Black' or 'Mixed' or 'Middle Eastern' or 'Indian'. In other words, Dad could have been any race but Asian (because the child looked like she was a mix, and not fully Asian).
The child reminded me of (but was even more beautiful than!) Chrissy Teigen, swimsuit model and fiancée of singer John Legend:
Miss. Teigen has a Thai mother and a Norwegian father:
Anyhow, whoever Dad is, I hope he has a good sturdy padlock. If this kid is this beautiful at this age, imagine how devastating she will be in ten years!
I also see little boys who are absolutely gorgeous. And then I think: if I have daughters I would have to lock them up, what with these little fellas about :-)
Or if my daughters are anything like me, they wouldn't be visual so much. So these boys would have to have their mouths duct-taped assuming they have nice voices...
Hm, in both cases why do I feel the need to lock up the girl? Am I being sexist, or just respectful of how Nature works?
I live in country where 70% of people have at least one foreign parent. And most of this 70% have a foreign mother.
Now of course it may appear that these foreign women are all South East Asian or African, but I suspect that's only because it is more obvious. With the other foreign mothers, they do not appear different until they speak and you detect an accent...and even so...not always evident.
It is a sticking-point in Blue Pill world, and a celebrated triumph :-) in The Manosphere that Western men seek 'non-Western' women for their femininity.
But is this the only reason?
Are these men looking for 'mixed' children too?
I always imagined that it is women who decide what the next generation will look like.
But the evidence around me tells me I could be wrong.
Sure, a woman is the gatekeeper of intimacy in the sense that she decides how far this will go (in the absence of influencing agents such as alcohol or drugs).
But, if a man is the gatekeeper of marriage/LTR, then in a sense, he gets to decide what his children will look like. Although, this is perhaps a theoretical 'decision' because of the possibility of cuckoldry.
But all things being equal, the principle of a man deciding still stands.
But then again, a savvy woman could place herself in the position of being 'picked' by the man she has already earmarked as her 'choice' without him ever realising this :-)
So in the end, both decide...
These are just a few examples I can come up with. Other people have a whole host of other traits they may be inadvertently or actively choosing or rejecting.
And that's just the physical.
In addition to physical traits, we are also choosing the personality types of our future children.
This is one reason the loss of a parent at a young age can be harrowing (and poignant) for the other parent left behind, who may recognise personality traits (and of course physical ones) displayed in the child.
And why it is best for a woman to really know a man well before indulging in any activity that may result in um...creating a carbon copy of him.
That is, if she is not into getting 'surprises'.
This whole phenomenon can work in a 'negative' way, too, I find.
I know a woman who is averse to dating anyone of her own race, nor anyone who is 'mixed' with her race.
It turns out she may have good reason, I have just worked out, from clues she has left for me in little conversations we have had over the years.
The root 'problem' for her is that her father...um...how shall I put this politely...'gets around'...
Her parents divorced amidst allegations ala Tiger Woods.
What's more, she discovered she suddenly had more relatives than she would have liked, some older, some younger than her. And everyone suspects there are many more undiscovered 'relatives' still waiting to be discovered.
She lives in mortal fear of accidentally dating her own brother.
Yes, her father was that active, sadly for her.
So whilst many girls 'seek their father' in a potential husband, this woman has a weird 'reverse Oedipus' thing going on.
In her case, it's a true phobia. I cannot seem to find the name to describe this one (anyone care to help me out here?)
By the way, I did point out to her, once I had figured out that this is what she was doing, that how could she know that her father hadn't had kids with a woman out of his race?
She told me her father was a racist (he never approved of the men she dated - not that she cared...)
I was about to say, 'But you know, just because he is 'racist' doesn't guarantee that he wouldn't...'
But I held my tongue. Not the time or place, I decided...
In any case she had that possibility covered - no 'mixed' men either...
So this woman, if she has children, will have 'mixed' children because of her (appropriate but perhaps excessive - because what are the chances*.?..) fear of incest.
For her, this has arisen out of a 'negative' rather than a 'positive', which is sad in many ways, unless she was perhaps always going to be attracted to men of different races anyway, and not because of her father's philandering. However, as her father's erm...'activities' came to light before she started dating, there is no way to tell.
So, my question is, how much of dating is really about the next generation in this ever more international, multicultural world?
Is the SMP a mini-eugenics laboratory?
These men who are after smart women - are they just seeking a smart child instead? 'Cos as the Manosphere keeps saying, 'who needs a smart woman'?
So, perhaps there is method in the madness ;)
And the short women seeking tall men - are they just looking for tall sons? And then it is a surprise if said son is not as tall as Dad?
Or do we just love the other one for who he or she is and don't ever think of the kids?
Can anyone convince me that this is true?
*Actually, thinking about this, the chances are not negligible. I wonder if she has read this article? I would hope that her father did not go this far, but you never know...
Small countries such as Singapore have started to ban sperm donor banks because of this fear. Somehow I don't blame them.
What a horror to finally meet someone you click with, are happy with, want to spend the rest of your life with...only to find he or she is your brother or sister!