Some women are innately feminine from birth and do not need a role model :-)
Some aim higher than Earth for their role models :-)
For the Catholic among us, we have a great role model at out disposal.
Hail Mary, full of Grace...
Grace?
Can we emulate grace here on Earth?
Um, let's see.
Grace of gait and stance
A feminine gait is a pleasure to behold. Or at least, it should be, to men.
This is an art that definitely took me a long time to master. Being what is universally accepted as tall, I used to use my height as an excuse for my lack of a graceful gait for a long time. But there are taller women than me who I could easily call 'graceful' when they walk.
A good example is tennis player Maria Sharapova. At 6 ft 2, she is taller than me. And yet, her fluid, almost languid walk is quite graceful.
I do wish I had been a dancer at some point in my life. I notice that dancers (ballet, ballroom) not only have good posture, they also walk gracefully. Alas, other sports can help correct this problem, so all is not lost for the non-dancers amongst us :-)
Another very good example of graceful gait is exhibited by the actress Sophie Marceau in the film 'Firelight'. Throughout this film, one marvels at how she moves. She really does appear to glide. Quite fascinating to watch. And I am sure this adds to her appeal.
Erm, quite apart from her 'shelf' or synonym thereof...
:-)
By the way, one does not even have to be human to be graceful.
I notice that our cousins from the feline branch of the family are very graceful when they walk. They don't so much walk as 'strut' in fact.
Cats, lions, tigers, leopards, cheetahs...all of these animals seem to exude grace in a way that puts me to shame.
Dogs, deer, pigs and sheep do not seem to have this grace in as much abundance as our feline cousins.
Is this why there is no such thing as 'Dogwoman' or 'Pigwoman' in the lineup of male fantasy sirens, whereas 'Catwoman' and 'Pussygalore'** are longtime favourites?
Of course 'Dogwoman' and 'Pigwoman' otherwise known as 'b*tch' and 'Miss Piggy' are never terms of loving endearment. At least not in the way most women would perceive them to be.
Grace of action
Again, I wish I were better at this than I actually am. But 'room for improvement' is always nice to have :-)
I have always marvelled at how some women seem to exude grace even without trying. They are rare, these women, yes, which makes them even more special. Surprisingly, they are not always older than me. I don't know why I would expect a graceful women to be older necessarily, but I just do.
And then a younger woman proves me wrong and I am delighted, every time.
Grace of thought
I am not sure I can define 'graceful thinking' because I have not experienced it myself :-)
But I can guess as to what it might entail.
I think a hallmark of 'graceful thinking' is understanding. Not so much in the sense of comprehension as compassion. I think the reason for my own lack of 'graceful thinking' is that I need to know (as in have knowledge of) something before I can understand it. Extensive knowledge about a subject precedes my understanding of (or empathy with) said subject.
That is why I think I keep asking for something to be explained to me 'like I am a 6 year old'...
I know there are some women who will understand without the need for knowledge. They are not necessarily 'naturals' but they are certainly blessed with a certain 'grace'. I think it is a beautiful thing to witness.
And again, it is rare.
Grace of attitude
This follows on directly from 'graceful thinking', and is equally refreshing to see. Simply put, it is a woman without guile. She is not without her faults - no-one is perfect afterall, but she is patently above the petty b*tchiness that pervades the female reality.
Women who exhibit this trait appear self-contained and 'behind a wall' with their emotions but I think that is just a sign of their incredible self-discipline. They are (due to their emotional honesty) actually quite transparent, in that they are not too scared to show you when they are happy, sad, angry or annoyed, if you are close enough to them to matter to them.
Grace of demeanour
This is an easy one to assimilate in one's everyday life. It doesn't take much more than a few minutes of reflection to embrace these little 'actions' as part and parcel of one's daily routine.
I have noticed that it really is the tiniest things in life which make all the difference. Things that should be part and parcel of every little girl's 'education' now only gets dispensed if one attends the best Swiss finishing school, for the highest price.It needn't be so.
For example, retrieving an object from the floor. It used to be that every girl was taught to bend the knees when doing this. Not so anymore.
Some 'intolerable' offences against etiquette are perhaps more and more forgivable nowadays given our hectic lives. It used to be that a lady was never to be found drinking directly from a bottle (or even a can) or eating in the streets. But for practical reasons, these are perhaps lesser crimes than ever..although it is said that the former bestowes an unfortunate image, and the latter has perhaps contributed to the obesity crisis as it amounts to 'unauthorised' snacking.
A worse crime than the above two will remain always a particularly bad crime, both against fashion and etiquette. And that is, failing to manoeuvre oneself correctly in and out of a car when in a short dress...
Some might argue that the first crime there is the choice of short dress in the first place...
How high (or low in the case of tops) is appropriate for acceptable levels of decorum?
Speaking of dress, how much of 'grace' is depicted by grooming?
Is modesty the same as 'tasteful'?
Can one have one without the other?
No-one curtsies anymore. Sometimes to the Queen, yes. But more often than not, this is bypassed...
A loud voice...
It used to be that girls (especially in Catholic Irish boarding schools run by extra-strict nuns) would get beaten several times a day just for having a naturally loud voice. The idea was that a loud voice attracted the wrong kind of attention...
Cruel to be kind? Or plain harsh?
One thing's for sure. Grace as a whole is definitely missing in our current world, except in some pockets of glorious femininity.
It will be missed, for sure.
Hope it makes a comeback.
Wake me up when it does :-)
Although this post may seem like a venture into a 'ladies only' locker room, I think in fact men have a lot to contribute here, because afterall if men are the 'audience' of displays of femininity, then they more than women are primed for 'sniffing out' displays of 'grace' or lack thereof.
Am I right on this?
Or are men simply primed to sniff out 'hot' whatever their age?
In this regard, should men be divided into 'SMP-orientated (hot) and MMP-orientated (hot + other feminine qualities)?
Is there an alternative/better classification we could use?
The many faces of Grace: All of these women have the name 'Grace' :-)
Grace Bol (model)
Grace Kelly/Princess Grace of Monaco (actress)
Grace Hightower (wife of Robert De Niro), actress
Grace Jones (actress)
Grace Park (actress)
Maggie Grace (actress)***
Nancy Grace (prosecutor/journalist)
Ha! Took the words right out of my mouth :-)
**Oh God, what have I done?
:-)
*** Maggie Grace was apparently nicknamed 'Maggie Graceless' for a while growing up. I can so identify with this!
Having the limb coordination of a wooden puppet for most of the adolescent years is not necessarily fun.
Anyone remember the awkward teen years?
15 comments:
Some thoughts on graceful thought....
This is a tough one for women in this day and age. We are exposed to a lot of ugly information and stresses in life. It's important to cultivate this trait though it takes some discipline in the beginning.
Stop swearing. It's surprising how this one simple act will change your outlook on life, and smooth out a lot of discordant thoughts and feelings. Besides, it's crass, lol.
Moderation on negative information. Tough for the thinking woman. I used to be a news buff, local, national, international. Most of it ends up being distraction, and negative distraction at that. Unplug.
Get rid of the TV. Very little grace to be found in tv "programming".
Take time every day to meditate or pray.
Contemplate beautiful things. Somewhere along the way, our culture embraced the ugly as "deep". Surrounding yourself in the ugly doesn't inspire grace. Go to the library and bring back books on beautiful paintings, sculptures, poetry. Listen to beautiful music, or better yet, play it.
JV,
I knew I should have asked you to write this post :-)
I am intrigued by the meditation thing. As I just said to Metak in the last post, I never 'meditate' (because I am not sure I know how) but I 'pray'.
Is there a difference?
I notice that people who 'meditate' seem a bit 'deeper' than usual. But are they happier?
I am not sure why I am 'suspicious' of meditation. Maybe it's the whole link to Eastern religions...Catholics are a bit nervous of stuff like that :-)
I wonder if Bellita is alluding to this when she says 'I am religious but not spiritual!'?
It's a minefield to me, and I have never really stepped foot into it, until now :-)
I can definitely see that some time away from the hustle and bustle of daily life can boost the well of grace though.
Meditation is different than prayer, as prayer is mindful intent with religeous purpose and meditation is usually the opposite. Though there's guided meditation. Most forms of meditation don't conflict with religion or prayer.
I can't speak for Bellita, but I would see most forms of meditation as spiritual. Some not even that, just relaxation.
Grace of demeanor ...hmnn, my grandmother was an artist in this respect, and I really wish more of it had rubbed of on to me,lol. She could gracefully lilt down in a chair, or drape her self on a chaise. These things had actually been taught to her by her mother, who had been "educated" by tutors on such things when she was a girl.
JV,
"She could gracefully lilt down in a chair, or drape her self on a chaise."
I know! I know women who can do this very well :-)
And I must say they are indeed usually older women, and yes, they were taught. Hoever the graceful younger women I know seem to be naturally so, because I know they couldn't have been taught...
And for the life of me I can't ever seem to do what they do lol.
"Meditation is different than prayer, as prayer is mindful intent with religeous purpose and meditation is usually the opposite."
So meditation is more or less 'aimless' for want of a better word? I realise that this might well be the point, as modern life is full of trying to fill up every waking moment with something. So meditation could be a way of 'emptying' one's thoughts a little? Or just to kill some time?
I can see it fits very nicely in Eastern religions but when Westerners do it, is it done in the right context?
Re meditation
Lol, it can be aimless, in that you empty everything and maintain that. Sometimes you see where it takes you. Other types are guided which is what I would use for graceful thinking, and others, like what Metak was talking about require skill and discipline. You can take it as little or as far as you want. From relaxation to disciplined arts.
It was said that Barbara Stanwyck modeled her walk from a panther. Though her dance background probably helped,lol.
Ah panthers!
I forgot about them in my line-up of graceful feline examples.
Sadly the only panther I can copy quite effectively is The Pink Pather.
Hahahahaha!
I had never heard of Barbara Stanwyck so I looked her up. According to Wikipaedia she was a smoker from age 9? Is this a typo?
JV you make good points about cutting out swearing and not watching too much TV. The latter certainly dulls the mind somewhat. I have experienced this.
Also, I know someone who always asks: Is this edifying? before deciding if something on TV should be watched. In other words, will it add something to my well-being or take away from it? Good philosophy, I find.
@ST
You can call it grace or however you want but it's basically just feminine energy at it's best...
Women that exhibit gracefulness are women that are more in touch with their femininity... gracefulness is expression of it...
That's why feminism is such a poison to feminine energy... it kills it.
You have many Christian or Catholic meditation forms to try if you want... ;-)
@JV
Meditation is a great tool... you have many techniques to choose and find one that suits you best...
You enjoy it's benefits immediately but I'm more inclined to think in long run like some other people that you store and pack energy for "intermediate state" when you die... (Bardo)
ST: "I am not sure why I am 'suspicious' of meditation. Maybe it's the whole link to Eastern religions...Catholics are a bit nervous of stuff like that :-)"
I only have a few minutes before I have to get back to a house guest, but meditation is very much a part of the authentic christian and Catholic spiritual tradition. The aim of Christian prayer is union with God. To simplify, there are three grades of prayer: vocal prayer, meditation, and contemplation. Meditation is the sustained activity of the mind upon one aspect of the faith. It has similarities to eastern meditation in that the mind keeps a certain discipline- in meditating on one thing, the mind must empty itself of all other activity.
Again, like in eastern meditation, the body too must be quieted so that the it will not pose a hindrance to prayer. The church fathers talk about "dispassion," the emptying of the body of the passions to allow for prayer. Even the breath is slowed.
You have probably (unknowingly) engaged in meditation on the mysteries of the rosary or on scripture and may have bemoaned (if you are like me) your inattentiveness to the topic at hand. This attentiveness that you seek is the discipline of meditation. Meditation opens the soul to contemplation- a gaze upon the divine and becoming like him that is the closest to union with God that we can attain in this life.
Some links:
"Spiritual Theology" an excellent book by Jordan Aumann http://www.domcentral.org/study/aumann/st/default.htm
Catechism of the Catholic Church: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p4s1c3a1.htm
Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contemplative_prayer
PS. If I have a minute later, I'll come back to comment on femininity- There is a lot to think about in your post.
@ST
From time to time, I also think about what you describe here, but I tend to use the term "gentleness" rather than "grace." One reason is that, during one Pentecost several years ago, I felt especially "thirsty" for this particular Gift of the Holy Spirit. It seemed to me at the time that I was not gentle . . . that I had never been gentle . . . and that I really wanted to be.
As for the other reason, Metak touches on it, whether he knows it or not, when he writes:
You can call it grace or however you want but it's basically just feminine energy at it's best...
On a semi-Catholic blog like this one, calling something "grace" implies that is a gift from God and something essentially beyond either nature or our own control (which we might call "self nurture"). And "feminine energy" seems to me to be something natural but also something "nurture-able." (That's the only way of saying it I can think of at the moment!)
On the other hand, the distinction nonetheless begs the question of whether "feminine energy" is also beyond our control.
Do you remember my "Masculine Women" post, ST? It attracted a couple of male commenters (new visitors) who said they believed that femininity is natural to women, that it is easy for us to give into it, and that women who are "masculine" are just fighting their true nature. I thought it was an odd thing for them to say, given how many women had already chimed in to say that being "girly" had never come naturally to them . . . and I wondered whether that was a pretty fantasy they needed to cling to at the time. When a man is surrounded by harsh women but keeps telling himself that all they have to do is "stop fighting" their "natural" feminine energy, then he won't have to be bitter about them just yet.
But my point in that post was that a woman for whom "masculine energy" comes more naturally doesn't have to be the mannish caricature we know from the media.
@ST
As I just said to Metak in the last post, I never 'meditate' (because I am not sure I know how) but I 'pray'.
I have the feeling that much of modern prayer overlaps greatly with meditation, to the point that we can say we pray all day but that we're "spiritual" but not "religious." ;P
When someone in my parish dies, his or her relatives collect all the prayer cards and little devotional booklets that he or she has left behind, and leave them somewhere in the church so that other parishioners can have what they want. A couple of months ago, I saw a fresh stack, went through it, and came away with a Pieta prayer booklet. (Forgive me if I've mentioned this story before and am just repeating myself!) This booklet includes all the promises attached to daily Mass and Communion, to the Rosary, to the Sacred Heart devotion, to the Brown Scapular, etc. To someone for whom prayer is meditation (or anything done for the self), I'm sure most of these promises will seem like superstition. But they were revealed, recorded and believed in ages when prayer was recognized as worship (or something done for God).
Given a choice, I'd stick to the traditional Catholic prayers rather than try either the Far Eastern meditation practices or even "modern" Catholic prayers. I want the prayers that were written as worship, not as meditation or any other function.
Having said that, I know that the two are not mutually exclusive. Traditional Catholic devotions have been seeds of much mental prayer. But I think that worship is the main point of prayer, and that any prayer that loses sight of that isn't worth saying. Of course, as Anacaona would say, your mileage may vary. ;)
@
So many good points. There are natural feminine traits that we are born with, the feminine traits that we cultivate and the "grace" factor. The last one intrigues me as I understand it the least. So of course, it's the one I contemplate the most, lol, from a spiritual and religious viewpoint.
There was a movement at one time that tried to live in grace. Physical labour was frowned upon and a living had to be made through investments. Beauty was cultivated in the most mundane things. Even physical movement was broken down into its elements on day to day activities. The arts were cultivated with the idea that living life this way was art itself. I imagine it would have taken a great deal of discipline, and I suspect money. There seemed to be the idea that cultivating religious and graceful accord would bring abundance and harmony to them and those around them. I couldn't say one way or the other, but I'd have a lot of questions that I'd want to ask, lol.
@ Metak,
You are right - 'grace' in this context is actually a synonym for femininity, in both a visual and "inner" sense.
By the way, I write here about feminine grace, but I wonder, is there such a thing as 'masculine grace'? Or would this be an oxymoron? I suppose even if it exists, it wouldn't be called 'grace'. But what would be the equivalent, other than simply masculinity?
I ask this question because very muscular men do appear rather 'graceful', again almost feline, as in 'lion-like'. Case in point, 100m sprinters. They are often described as 'poetry in motion'. Because their motion is so graceful, especially in 'slow motion' and yet they are at the pinnacle of (physical) masculinity! What a paradox, eh?
Bell, your point about Metak's comment makes sense too. Although I trip over my own shoelaces somewhat with my use of the word 'grace' as meaning the 'Earthly' ordinary kind, after I introduce the post with the celestial kind :-)
Somehow I missed that connection between the two, believe it or not! Interesting that 'grace' as in 'heavenly gift' can be requested for both men and women (as in 'By God's Grace, I hope ________) but the gift of 'grace' is normally thought of as something feminine...
I think 'gentleness' is a great substitute word, yes. Nothing is graceful if not gentle also.
"But my point in that post was that a woman for whom "masculine energy" comes more naturally doesn't have to be the mannish caricature we know from the media."
And it seems you are reading my mind again, for just today, I was thinking about masculinity and femininity in this same light. I think I agree with you that femininity does not come as naturally to (some) women as masculinity does to men. It frustrates me to think this, but I have a theory or two as to why this might be the case. Draft of post in progress :-)
@ Amy,
Wow, Amy, thanks for that info. I should really be ashamed as to how little I know about Catholicism. I don't think I can call myself a Catholic anymore! Seriously, there are many gaps in my knowledge which need filling up. Thank you.
In many ways I wish I had had to go through the whole adult catechism thing...when you have all your catechism done by age 8, important dogma gets left out :-)
Speaking of gaps in knowledge, (totally off-topic, I know! But for some reason this is weighing down on me) I can't quite remember if it is 'illegal' to have communion more than once per Sunday... Anticipating missing Sunday Mass due to prior plans, I went to the Saturday vigil Mass. And then by an unexpected twist of events wound up at Sunday Mass as well. Had communion twice, and now not sure if it was wrong the second time...
Bell,
"But I think that worship is the main point of prayer, and that any prayer that loses sight of that isn't worth saying."
I had this impression too, Bell. So it was quite difficult for me to see meditation or any other form of 'self' activity as serving a religious purpose.
But perhaps this is quite an 'oldfashioned' view of prayer, no?
@JV
The arts were cultivated with the idea that living life this way was art itself. I imagine it would have taken a great deal of discipline, and I suspect money.
This reminds me very much of my millionaire friend whose case I brought up in the gold digger thread. (Yes, I dare bring her up again! Hahahaha!) NC has said that the "values" she wants to pass on to her children seem totally tied to money, implying that this means they can't be very good values. I see where he's coming from, but at the same time, it's true that the arts--and even the art of living--have often needed wealthy patrons.
I recall a couple who went on a US talk show and shared their dilemma: the wife wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and didn't care about being deprived of a second income; the husband thought the second income was essential because he wanted their children to grow up in a "good neighborhood" with a house that had a backyard. It seems wrong that "genteel" neighbors and something as fundamental as a yard come with a hefty pricetag. Aren't these supposed to be among the best things in life that come for free? Yet they don't . . .
And I wager that there will be a difference in "grace" between the average child who grows up in a house with a big backyard and the average child who grows up in an apartment building. (There is a similar opportunity cost for a child who is put in daycare for many hours and a child who has full-time care from a mother, but it's up to each couple which one they're willing to pay.)
Anyway, I do think there's something to the deliberate cultivation of gentleness and sensitivity. And of course it doesn't always take money. (Thank goodness, or else my own children would be doomed! I have no hope of ever marrying a millionaire. Hahahaha!) In our age, especially, when girls are encouraged to be more like boys and rewarded for competing with them, I think that even girls born with a lot of natural femininity need a lot of extra "nurtured femininity."
@ST
I can't quite remember if it is 'illegal' to have communion more than once per Sunday
And of course I know the answer! ;)
We're not supposed to receive Communion more than once per Sunday, unless they are at Masses said for different purposes. For instance, your usual Mass in the morning and a wedding Mass in the afternoon. Then it's allowed. :) (Note that I don't know if the same applies to non-Sunday Masses.) In your case, ST, since the anticipated Mass and the other Mass on Sunday were on different days, even if they were basically the same Mass, receiving Communion "twice" was okay. :)
I should really be ashamed as to how little I know about Catholicism. I don't think I can call myself a Catholic anymore!
Oh, please don't think that! I really hate it when anyone says that--or when certain Catholics market their books by saying that you can't be a good Catholic unless you have a PhD in Catholic Trivia (or whatever). If you have been validly baptized in the Church and remain in Her, if you believe in what we profess in the Creed, and if you fulfill the "bare minimum" that are the marks of the Church, I don't see why you can't call yourself Catholic. (And don't spoil it now by saying you don't know what the marks of the Church are! Hahahaha! You likely already know them, just not by that name.)
It seems to me that so many people these days are thinking up reasons to exclude others (or worse, themselves) from full communion in the Church. I'd rather explain why everyone is a better fit than they imagine. I once knew a priest who said that if we only knew how desperate God is to keep us out of hell, we would stop making His job so hard for Him and imagining that He doesn't want us because of certain flaws we have. To reverse what Yohami said, there is no IF: God's wanting us is a given. ;)
This is not to say, of course, that disciplines like excommunication (in the gravest of circumstances!) have no place. But I don't think you are on such dangerous ground, ST. So please continue callng yourself Catholic!
@ Bellita,
Thanks for the info!
I had this vague realisation that I was breaking some rule or other, but I couldn't be exactly sure...and for once no-one was sure either, amongst people I would normally ask...
I didn't know the ins and outs of he rules on this, so thanks for that!
You really are a fountain of knowledge, Bell.
Seriously!
"Oh, please don't think that! I really hate it when anyone says that..."
My greatest concern is that I never seem to have the right counter-argument when a dogma I am defending to a non-Catholic is pulled to shreds and worse, I really don't have a good grasp on it anyway.
But you are right, mustn't be self-depreciating on this, because it is self-defeating, not to talk of self-fulfilling :-)
Can I ask you? How come you know so much? Did your 'formal' catholic education continue beyong age 8 or you made your own efforts to keep up?
If it's the latter, you'll certainly put me to shame :-(
And uh...what ARE the marks of The Church? Sorry, I had to ask! :-)
"To reverse what Yohami said, there is no IF: God's wanting us is a given. ;)"
There you go using your reframe superpowers again, Bell :-)
My thoughts on this were more like 'If you want me, take up your cross and follow me'.
Our Lord really is quite demanding, no?
In Manosphere terms, he is quite the entitled princess :-)
But given I am a beta with no other options, I guess I'll put up with his drama :-)
(Now I really hope God has a sense of humour, because if not, someone will need to be hitting the confessional in a few days...)
Hahahahaha!
"This is not to say, of course, that disciplines like excommunication (in the gravest of circumstances!) have no place. But I don't think you are on such dangerous ground, ST."
Um, if God reads the above, he just might get Papa Ben his 'beta orbiter' to do just that, Bell...
:-)
"I'd rather explain why everyone is a better fit than they imagine."
Joking aside, Bell...this applies to you:
Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.
Thank you for your graceful thinking!
Don't lose this beautiful trait of yours...ever.
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